Language, Gender Differences

Feminine Language Use

Language described as “feminine” frequently involves the use of words to relate to others. For many feminine speakers, words are the building blocks of relationships and can support, explain, and enhance understandings of the people conversing and the nature of their relationships. This frequently involves validation, or the demonstration through words that experiences are similar and that people are not alone in their hardships. On some level, this also demonstrates an equality that is not as common in masculine style. Feminine style tends to reject hierarchy, and those employing a feminine style are usually open to hearing about different cultures and experiences.

Feminine language is often labeled as inquisitive. While this plays into stereotypes of women being “busybodies,” it also reflects that those employing the feminine style are concerned about how others are doing. Questions such as “How was your day at work?” or “How does that make you feel?” get to the heart of what the conversational partner is thinking or feeling, and this opens the conversation to heightened self-disclosure. In listening to the answers to these questions, feminine speakers often follow up with verbal cues, such as “That's really interesting” or “So how did that go?” to indicate they want the other person to continue telling her or his story.

While tentativeness is another trait of feminine language, it is one that is slowly becoming part of masculine speech as well. Tentative language often introduces ideas with disclaimers such as “I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but…” or “I might be wrong, but it seems to me that…” While this concept remains a feminine one in interpersonal relationship talk, it is beginning to be replaced (both for feminine and masculine speakers) by language expressing relativity as opposed to tentative observations. Instead of tentative disclaimers, people in workplace settings or in public arenas, whether male or female, have begun to use phrases such as “In many cases …” or “Many people tell me…” that use some of the open features of tentative language but also allow for more assertiveness to come through with the statement.

The feminine style of keeping open lines of understanding is highly related to the personal nature of feminine language. Those engaging a feminine style are overall more likely to disclose personal information, especially details that a masculine speaking style is unlikely to employ. For example, instead of saying, “Work was bad today. Connie didn't show up,” a feminine speaker will more likely say, “Work was bad today. Connie showed up 15 minutes late. I'm so frustrated with her! And Doug didn't know how to cover the phones, which is what Connie was supposed to be doing. So I had to run like crazy back and forth between training Barbara and helping Doug get the phone calls routed. The whole thing had me feeling overworked and underpaid!” The feminine speaker would also likely offer more details as they were [Page 484]solicited from conversational partners. So, as the conversation about what happened at work progresses, elements of the story will likely be revisited and elaborated upon.

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