Relationships: Romantic

Studies of Deception in Romantic Relationships

Scientific examinations of deception in relationships bear out the reasoning of Miller, especially with regard to the frequency and importance of lying. For example, Ronnie Turner and his colleagues had relationship partners record self-judged “important” conversations and then self-analyze the percentage of statements that were “less than honest.” Turner found that fully 61.5 percent of statements in important relationship conversations were judged by the people who defined them as “less than honest.” But rather than viewing this ubiquitous dishonesty as problematic, participants in Turner's study defended it, arguing that fidelity to the maintenance of a close relationship trumps unbridled truth in terms of aiding and enhancing intimacy.

In a similar fashion, Sandra Metts and Helen Chronis examined the types and motives of deception for friends, dating partners, engaged couples, and spouses. They found that the most common reasons people involved in romantic relationships cited for lying were to protect partners' feelings and maintain their relationship.

Perhaps the most detailed examination to date of motives for romantic deception is the work of Susan Boon and Beverly McLeod. When participants in their study were asked whether “complete honesty” was important for maintaining a romantic relationship, only 27 percent of their sample said yes; the vast majority said that “it depends on the situation.” In addition, fully two-thirds of their respondents agreed that deception is defensible, especially within situations in which partners' feelings, esteem, or the survival of the relationship are at stake.

Lie Detection in Romantic Relationships

Given the widespread occurrence and support for deception in romantic relationships, can partners involved in such unions detect each other's lies? Intuition would say yes: a common belief is that people can detect the lies of their loved ones with greater accuracy than those of strangers.

...