Relationships: Friends

Lies Told to Friends

The types of lies people tell to their friends tend to differ from the types of lies people tell to acquaintances or strangers. In friendships, people are more likely to tell altruistic lies (that is, lies told to spare a friend's feelings or to enhance a friend's well-being) than self-centered lies (that is, lies told to spare one's own feelings or to make oneself look better). In acquaintanceships and in interactions between strangers, the reverse is true. Friends who tell more altruistic lies have higher ratings of closeness and relationship satisfaction than do friends who tell more self-centered lies.

People often lie to friends when telling the truth would involve violating their friends' expectations or impressions. Lies involving intrasexual rivalry fall into this category. In a study in which participants described lies told to friends, the second most common type of lies (following altruistic lies) were lies about intrasexual rivalry (for example, interest in the same potential mate, or even mate poaching). Because people are frequently similar to their friends, there is the potential for mate competition with friends. Fifty percent of people report some degree of intrasexual rivalry with their friends.

The third most common types of lies in friendships were lies about sexual experience and promiscuity. Women were particularly likely to lie to their friends about their own sexual experience, perhaps in part because some women report that they dislike being friends with promiscuous women, whom they may see as potential rivals.

Of course, some lies are told to friends simply to avoid conflict and unpleasantness. People commonly lie to friends when they don't want to comply with a friend's request. For example, one might pretend to have carried out a friend's request when in fact one did not do so, or one might make a false excuse regarding why one does not want to comply with the request.

While it is true that people lie less frequently—and usually with more altruistic motives—to their friends than to strangers, the lies individuals tell to friends tend to be more serious. Most lies to acquaintances and strangers are relatively inconsequential; people usually do not ruminate over or feel guilty about these lies. However, when people are asked to recount the most serious lie they have ever told—as well as the most serious lie ever told to them—they generally recount lies with close relationship partners (that is, friends, romantic partners, and family members).

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