Deception Motives

Polite Lies

The imperative to be polite is ingrained in many societies. This social imperative breeds what are known as “polite lies.” These lies are intended to be tactful, and both the target and the liar are aware that they are untrue. For example, in North America, the socially acceptable response to the question “How are you?” is “Fine, thank you” regardless of whether or not one is actually fine. If a person responds to this question with a detailed description of his or her lousy day, the questioner will often attempt to change the topic of discussion or avoid further discussion.

Socially acceptable lies such as “You look wonderful” or “I'm so glad you stopped by” forestall any further discussion, and give the questioners the opportunity to feel positively about themselves while allowing the liars to maintain their positions as nice people. In many societies, the punishment for not telling these socially sanctioned lies is more harsh than the consequences for those telling the polite lie who are then found out. Avoiding social ostracism, one of the most common responses to telling unpopular truths, is a powerful motivator for liars to tell polite lies. In addition, polite lies have a direct benefit to the liar of not having to reveal personal information, should he or she feel uncomfortable doing so. Polite lies then serve the dual purpose of avoiding social ostracism from telling too much truth and enabling the liar to maintain his or her privacy, should that be desired.

Protecting Others

Other lies are told in the belief that the target will be protected, helped, or benefitted by the lie. These are commonly known as “benevolent lies” or “altruistic lies.” These prosocial lies, such as overpraising another with the intent of increasing his or her self-esteem, operate on the principle of self-fulfilling prophecies. The liar may believe that if the target is told that he or she is better than in the reality, then the target may begin to change his or her behavior, outlook, and/or beliefs, and start to actually bring them in line with the well-meaning untruth.

Another type of prosocial lie is lying to someone who intends to harm others. For example, if a family member is abused by their spouse, lying to the abuser by claiming no knowledge of the [Page 272]victim's whereabouts would be considered prosocial, with the intent to protect another. As with polite lies, the consequences of not telling these prosocial, other-protective lies would be serious, potentially resulting in the truth-teller being held responsible or blamed for any further abuse experienced by the victim. In essence, other-motivated protection-based deception can sometimes be viewed as socially supported and relationally beneficial.

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