Childhood, Lying in

Lying in Early and Middle Childhood

Between the ages of 2 and 4, most children become verbal and enjoy the process of hearing and telling stories. They do not, however, have the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy, often confusing the two. Added to this, children in this age group have short memories and often are unable to remember what they have done, even in the recent past. When this occurs, they are likely to try to retell the story of the events by guessing at what might have happened. A 3 year old, for example, may tell someone a very detailed story about her third birthday party, when in fact she is telling the other person what she hopes her fourth birthday party will include. She cannot remember what actually happened at the party, so she fills in the gaps with her desires for her future celebration, not understanding that the two are not interchangeable. At its most basic level, this story is a lie simply because it is untrue; however, for most adults it falls into the murky territory between lies, mistakes, and wishful thinking.

In this stage of development, children will sometimes tell outrageous and unbelievable lies, simply because they lack the ability to judge whether a statement is believable, or even to understand what the concept of believability is all about. This confusion is exacerbated by the fact that at this age parents often begin to teach their children about being polite, which in many societies actually involves telling lies. “I had a good time at your party,” or “I like visiting Auntie May's house,” are lies that many children are encouraged to tell, despite the fact that they are simultaneously being told that lying is bad. Though imaginative, children in this age group are unable to take on the perspective of others, do not yet understand the concept of intent to harm through lying, and lack the communication skills to effectively lie.

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