Bereavement

Loss of a Child

When a child dies, parents generally are stunned by the violation of their presumption that children don't die, that they should bury their parents. Lost as well are parental hopes and dreams for the dead child along with belief systems about what was assumed to be a more orderly and just universe. Parents tend to have a strong need to tell their story and often search for reassurance that the child who died is all right.

The impact of miscarriage or early neonatal death often is unrecognized, and the parents' grief is minimized or overlooked. Parents who have lost a child under such circumstances also may fear becoming pregnant again or feel guilty about being happy if and when they do.

Parents' ability to care for surviving children is likely to be compromised. They may become either overprotective or withdraw in the face of their own confusion as they seek to make sense out of what has occurred. Additionally, the relationship between grieving parents may experience challenges. Parental conflict may occur given different mourning styles, an inability to meet each other's needs, miscommunication, differences in readiness to return to sexual intimacy or social activities, and disagreement about religious beliefs. Parents also may differ regarding the handling of the dead child's clothing, room, and possessions.

Loss of a Sibling

Loss of both an important relationship and of appropriate parental support may occur with sibling loss. Children's sense of security may be threatened as parents behave differently, are inconsistent, appear vulnerable, refuse to reminisce about the dead sibling, and are unable to support their grieving processes. Insensitive behavior on the part of others may include failure to understand sibling grief and inquiries about their parents without first or ever asking how they are doing.

Sibling loss may increase children's perceptions of vulnerability to death and may be a confusing and lonely experience. Younger children may feel the burden of being a “replacement” for the dead child, and older children may experience survivor guilt. Adolescents must face death in addition to such developmental tasks as contemplating the meaning of life. Reactions include excessive guilt, distorted concepts of death, death phobia, religious confusion, and disruptions in behavior and cognitive functioning.

Sibling loss in adulthood may heighten awareness of one's own mortality. Loneliness and emptiness accompany the loss of an expected lifelong companion, or source of current and future support. Reactions due to a residue of pain from other losses likely to occur late in life are likely to resurface for older adults.

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