Love

The Role of the Community in Relationship Formation

“Romantic relationships do not emerge in a social vacuum. They are embedded in the partners' ongoing social networks of family and friends” (Parks, Stan, & Eggert 1983, p. 116). These social networks have a variety of influences on relationship formation. First, people frequently meet potential romantic partners through community members; friends are particularly important in this regard. In fact, when adolescents first enter the world of dating relationships, peers pave the way. In a large-scale study of more than one thousand adolescents, Connolly and Johnson found that those with a large number of same-sex and cross-sex friends were most likely to develop romantic relationships. In a more extensive longitudinal investigation, Connolly, Furman, and Konarski (2000) followed a sample of Canadian high school students from grades 9 to 12. The participants started out with primarily same-sex peer groups, but formed more cross-sex friendships over time. Involvement in a network of cross-sex friends was predictive of subsequent romantic involvement.

Cross-sex networks are thought to provide a pool of possible romantic partners. However, at least in Connolly, Furman, and Konarski's study, it was rare for participants to date members of their cross-sex friendship network. Instead, cross-sex friendships seem to facilitate [Page 878]the development of romantic relationships in a more indirect fashion. For example, people may meet potential romantic partners through mutual friends (friends of cross-sex friends). In addition, cross-sex friendships provide opportunities for developing skills in relating to the other sex. Consistent with this notion, Connolly and colleagues found that the quality of friend-ships (social support) predicted the quality of romantic relationships, but not vice versa. Similar findings were obtained in Feiring's nine-year longitudinal study of adolescents interviewed at nine, fourteen, and eighteen years of age: The larger the other-sex friendship networks in early adolescence, the higher the quality of romantic relationships (characterized by cooperation, reciprocal intimacy, and conflict resolution) in middle adolescence. Large cross-sex friendship networks were also associated with the maintenance of longer relationships in middle and late adolescence. These findings reinforce the conclusion that “peer networks create a context in which romantic relationships can develop” (Connolly, Furman, & Konarski 2000, p. 1406).

Friends continue to play an important role in adult romantic relationships as well. When Austrom and Hanel (1985) surveyed unmarried adults in various Canadian cities, nearly all of the respondents (92 percent) identified mutual friends as the most common source of dating partners. Research by Baxter, Dun, and Sahlstein (2001) suggests that friends actually may serve as gatekeepers—either promoting or discouraging the formation of romantic ties. In a study of the daily interactions of university students, these researchers found that friends provided extensive, unsolicited advice on the suitability of various dating partners. Moreover, friends communicated rules about the “eligibility” of various romantic partners. For example, friends advised not dating more than one person from the same group of friends and not dating a friend's sexpartner. Baxter and colleagues noted that these rules serve to preserve the friendship community.

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