Metacommunication

Explicit Metacommunication: Talking about Talk

Perhaps the form of metacommunication that is easiest to understand is talking about talk. It is also the most common form of metacommunication in both the media and in interpersonal situations. People comment on other's communication behavior continuously: “Jonathan, you need to say please,” “Wow—was that a great speech,” and “You are always yelling at people.” These are examples of explicit metacommunication about talk.

Another common form of explicit metacommunication occurs when a person comments about his or her own prior statement. After telling a hurtful joke or making a critical comment, a person may say “just kidding” or “not really” to indicate how to take the comment. Apologies, excuses, and explanations are forms of metacommunication that deconstruct, clarify, or repair prior statements.

A further function of explicit metacommunication is socialization. Parents and teachers meta-communicate by saying “watch your mouth,” “say please,” or “don't interrupt.” This metacommunicative education is intended to socialize the child and to make him or her aware of manners, norms, and the conventions of his or her culture.

Explicit metacommunication about talk is sometimes the source of conflicts or arguments. Couples or families often argue about what was actually said in a prior argument, who called whom what, or the language that was used in criticizing another person. Such cycles or patterns can lead to protracted meta-communicative arguments where the participants repeat and escalate the conflict by referring to the other's hurtful words and action. Cross complaining that characterizes many interpersonal conflicts usually includes metacommunicative comments. “Don't raise your voice to me,” one person says, and in response the other says, “Well, you interrupted me!” In many conflicts, an entire series of such metacommunication squabbles occur, most of which are complaints about the others' inappropriate communication behavior. Conversely, explicit metacommunication can be used to come to understandings about conflicts and to avoid the statements that caused conflicts to spiral out of control. Couples therapy and family therapy feature considerable metacommunication about functional and dysfunctional communication patterns.

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