Sex in Established Relationships

We have seen in previous chapters that men and women around the world view marriage and other committed relationships as an appropriate—in fact, the most appropriate—context for sexual activity. In this chapter, we review research on sexuality as it occurs and is experienced in long-term or established relationships. Specifically, we explore what is known about sexual frequency, sexual practices and preferences, sexual satisfaction, and sexual communication in married, cohabiting heterosexual, and homosexual couples. It is [Page 202]important to keep in mind that because more research has been conducted on marital relationships than other kinds of long-term unions, the conclusions we can draw about sexuality are stronger for that particular type of romantic association.

Sexual Frequency

One topic that has received a great deal of attention concerns the frequency with which spouses engage in sexual intercourse. Research conducted over the past 60 years suggests that the average amount of sex that married couples have has not changed much over time. For example, during the late 1940s and early 1950s, pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues (Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948; Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953) asked more than 11,000 men and women living in the United States to indicate how often they engaged in sexual intercourse. They found that young married couples between 16 and 25 years of age reported having sex between two and three times a week on average; slightly older couples (between 26 and 35 years of age) indicated engaging in intercourse about twice a week on average. Another survey conducted two decades later yielded similar frequencies, with young couples (18–24 years of age) reporting sexual intercourse approximately three times a week (Hunt, 1974).

Couples surveyed during the 1990s appear to resemble their counterparts from earlier decades in terms of their level of sexual activity. Like Kinsey and his colleagues, sex researchers Robert Michael, John Gagnon, Edward Laumann, and Gina Kolata (1994) conducted a national study of the sexual experiences of men and women living in the United States. One of the questions they asked their participants was how often they had engaged in sex during the past 12 months. The possible responses were not at all, once or twice, about once a month, two or three times a month, about once a week, two or three times a week, and four or more times a week. Although participants were not asked to report the precise amount of sex in which they had engaged during the specified time period, the results were similar to those reported by previous researchers. Specifically, the response option endorsed by the highest percentages of married men (43%) and women (47%) was two or three times a month. The next most commonly endorsed option was two or three times a week, reported by 36% of married men and 32% of married women. Very small percentages of married men (1%) and women (3%) said they had absolutely no intercourse at all with their partners in the past year; similarly, few married men (7%) or women (7%) reported [Page 203]extremely high amounts of sexual activity (i.e., four or more times a week). Taken together, the results of these research endeavors suggest that most married couples (at least most younger married couples) tend to engage in sexual intercourse approximately one to three times a week.

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