Summary
Contents
Subject index
“The Mating Game is a comprehensive, multidisciplinary, introductory text about human mating relationships aimed specifically at a university audience. It progresses beyond a psychological or biological/physiological stance and encompasses a wide array of disciplines. The comprehensive review and up-to-date information contained in The Mating Game not only provides answers to questions about important life events but also encourages readers' interest in the field of interpersonal relationships and human mating.
The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage, Second Edition, is the only comprehensive, multidisciplinary, introductory text about human mating relationships aimed specifically at a university audience. It progresses beyond a psychological or biological/physiological stance and encompasses a wide array of disciplines. This comprehensive review of theory and empirical research takes an integrated perspective on the fundamental human experiences of love and sex. Strongly grounded in methodology and research design, author Pamela C. Regan offers relevant examples and anecdotes along with ample pedagogy that will spark debate and discussion on these provocative and complex topics.
New to the Second Edition
Freshly presented material, with reorganized text that provides a smoother transition between major sections; Reviews of the most recent theoretical and empirical work in the areas of love, sexuality, mate selection, and marriage; New information on the phenomenon of “cyber-flirting” and the development of romantic relationships over the Internet; Inclusion of cutting-edge biochemistry research, including a discussion of cutting-edge research on the biochemistry of passion and affection; Discussion of emerging research on non-heterosexual relationships and cross-cultural dynamics; Expanded chapters on critical topics and an important new chapter on relationship intervention
Intended AudienceThis text is ideal for upper level undergraduate or graduate students in psychology, family studies, and sociology, who will find this engaging text a valuable tool for course-related research activities, as well as for self-awareness.
Conflict and Dissolution
Conflict and Dissolution
Chapter Outline
- Conflict
- What Happens During Conflict? The Role of Attributions
- Attributional Styles
- Conflict Resolution
- Relationship Dissolution
- Why Do Relationships End?
- How Do Relationships End?
- Disengagement Strategies
- Reactions to the End of a Relationship
- Accounts: Why Things Turned Out This Way
- Summary
Simply because most people actively seek long-term romantic relationships (and eventually form at least one) does not necessarily mean that those relationships will function smoothly or last forever. The process of relationship development can sometimes be “bumpy” and tension may develop between partners in even the most committed and loving of relationships. In this chapter, we examine the topic of conflict, including the events that occur during conflict and how couples manage conflict. We also consider relationship dissolution—from the sequence of events involved in breakups to the ways in which people commonly respond to the demise of a romantic relationship.
Conflict
Conflict and disagreement are extremely common occurrences in most romantic relationships. Community surveys, for instance, reveal that nearly all married couples report having “unpleasant disagreements” at least some of the time, with most reporting average frequencies of one to three disagreements per month (Hatch & Bulcroft, 2004; McGonagle, Kessler, & Schilling, 1992). In addition, as couples progress from casual dating to more intimate forms of romantic involvement (e.g., steady dating, engagement, marriage), they often experience an increase not only in their levels of love and commitment but also in the amount of conflict in their relationships (e.g., Braiker & Kelley, 1979). In sum, conflict appears to be part and parcel of most dating and mating relationships.
What Happens during Conflict? The Role of Attributions
As anyone who has ever had a disagreement with a loved one knows, partners not only act and react to each other during conflict, but they also experience emotions and thoughts, express beliefs, make attributions, and come to conclusions. Research now suggests that these affective and cognitive processes play a crucial role in conflict-related interactions. As noted by Bruce Orvis, Harold Kelley, and Deborah Butler (1976), partners in even the most ideal relationship often place different (and sometimes contradictory) interpretations on each other's behavior. In their seminal article on attributional conflict in young couples, these social scientists identified several basic attributional “facts” about interpersonal conflict.
The first fact is that during conflict, attributional processes become activated as each partner seeks to understand the cause of the conflict and of the other's behavior.
“I thought he loved me. So why did he forget our anniversary?” Julia wonders.
“Why isn't she speaking to me?” Richard thinks. “What's going on? Did I do something wrong?”
When the relationship is progressing smoothly, partners do not ask why; agreement does not need explaining. It is only when an unpleasant—or unexpected—event occurs that the flow of the relationship is interrupted and partners begin to actively search for an explanation.
The second fact is that the attribution process is selective. During conflict, partners can—and do—quickly and easily bring to mind information that serves their personal interests. In addition, partners often genuinely believe that they possess an accurate understanding of the causes of each other's behavior and feel that their own behavior is justified.
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