Sexuality in a Relational Context

Contents

• Sexuality in the Attraction Process 218
  • Sexual Desirability 218
  • Sexual Characteristics as Predictors of Attraction 218
• Sexuality and Stages of Relationship Development 219
• Sex in Established Relationships 220
  • Sexual Frequency and Variety 221
  • Sexual Satisfaction 221
  • Sexual Communication 222
  • Sex and Exchange 222
  • Sex and Relationship Satisfaction and Stability 223
• Sex and Love 224
  • Conceptualization: What is Passionate Love? 224
  • Measurement: How is Passionate Love Assessed? 225
  • Research on the Sexual Component of Passionate Love 225
• Implications and Conclusions 226

Every day, a certain proportion of the adolescent and adult population engages in, fantasizes about, or desires to have sexual activity with relational partners. Sex with close others (e.g., spouses, committed dating partners) differs from casual sex along a number of dimensions. In particular, relational sex often has meanings and purposes that extend far beyond the physical pleasure that occurs from the joining of two bodies. For example, relational partners might engage in sexual activity to express their feelings of love, intimacy, and emotional closeness; to reaffirm their commitment to the relationship and to each other; to shift the balance of interpersonal power in the relationship; or for one partner to make restitution for nonsexual services rendered by the other. Thus, sexual activity that occurs in the context of a close relationship has important nonsexual consequences for that relationship, and nonsexual aspects of the relationship in turn have an important impact on a couple's sex life.

In this chapter, we explore sexuality in a relational context. We define sexuality as those interpersonal behaviors that lead to physiological arousal and the increased likelihood of orgasm for one or both partners as well as associated phenomena such as sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and sexual attitudes. We have organized the chapter into four major sections. The first examines the role of sexuality in the attraction process, with an emphasis on sexual desirability and sexual characteristics that predict interpersonal attraction. The second section focuses on sexuality and relationship development including the role of sex during courtship and sexual attitudes and behaviors at different stages of involvement. In the third section, we discuss sex in established relationships, covering issues such as sexual frequency and variety; sexual satisfaction; and the association between sexuality [Page 218]and communication, exchange, and general relationship satisfaction. The final section examines the link between sex and love, with an emphasis on the most sexual type of love, namely passionate love.

Sexuality in the Attraction Process

Before we consider the role that sex plays in developed relationships, we examine the ways in which sexuality can influence the attraction and partner selection process.