Emotion in Close Relationships

Contents

• The Social Emotions 171
  • Affectionate Emotions 172
  • Self-Conscious Emotions 173
  • Melancholic Emotions 173
  • Hostile Emotions 174
• Emotions across Relationship Stages and Processes 175
  • Initial Encounters 175
  • Maintaining Satisfying Relationships 177
  • Relational Endings 180
• Practical Implications and Conclusions 182

Humans experience a wide range of emotions within their relationships. As Bowlby (1979) maintained, people feel emotion most intensely when they are developing, maintaining, renewing, disrupting, or terminating close relational bonds with others. Similarly, Oatley and Johnson-Laird (1987) contended that most “emotions of interest to humans occur in the course of … relationships with others” (p. 41). Andersen and Guerrero (1998b) extended this argument by proposing that interpersonal communication is the primary elicitor of most emotions.

In this chapter, we explore some of the emotional experiences that occur within close relationships. First, we discuss four clusters of emotion—affectionate, self-conscious, melancholic, and hostile groups of emotions—that often surface in response to interaction with others. Next, we examine the role that emotion plays as relationships are developed, maintained, and terminated.

The Social Emotions

Emotions arise when people have a positive or negative affective reaction to an environmental stimulus, which can include the behaviors of another person. In addition to affect, emotions often are characterized by cognitive appraisal, physiological reaction, and behavioral tendencies (Frijda, 1986; Guerrero, Andersen, & Trost, 1998; Scherer, 1994). Most positive and negative emotional experiences occur within the context of close relationships (Bowlby, 1979; DeRivera, 1984; Schwartz & Shaver, 1987). This is not to say that emotions always occur in social contexts. Sometimes, individuals experience emotion when they are alone, but more typically, people experience emotion as a result of interacting with others (Andersen & Guerrero, 1998b).

Some emotions, however, are more social than others. We group emotions into four [Page 172]broad interpersonal categories: affectionate, self-conscious, melancholic, and hostile. Among the affectionate emotions, love, passion, and interpersonal warmth are highly social because they typically are directed toward a person. The self-conscious emotions, which include embarrassment, shame, guilt, and pride, are highly social because they tend to occur in public or interpersonal contexts. Among the melancholic emotions, loneliness and grief are especially social in that they usually stem from the absence of desired relational bonds. Finally, the hostile emotions, which include anger, hate, jealousy, envy, and hurt, all are highly social. These four clusters of emotions are embedded within social contexts and help shape and define the nature of close relationships.