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Offering advice responsively

Video Type: In Practice

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Summary

Maria is a 24-year old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward. In this example, Alex has the same idea as the one he offered in the “offering direct advice” scenario. But he brings it forward differently. What do you notice is different about how he brings his point of view to the conversation? What is different about how Maria takes it up? How does the outcome of this exchange differ? What might the implications be for the therapeutic relationship? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently. While it is generally more productive for counselors to elicit clients' ideas than to pitch their own, there are times when a counselor may have a strong impression that a particular way forward would be useful. Handled clumsily, this turns into direct advice giving, which frequently gets met with a push-back. Here Alex has an idea about how Maria might deal with her impasse. But he offers it in a manner that invites Maria to critique, which she does with a clear account of why Alex's idea does not fit for her cultural context. The exchange moves them both into examining more realistic alternatives.

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