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Exploring Incongruent Nonverbals

Video Type: In Practice

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Summary

Maria is a 24-year old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward. Here Maria tells a story in an expressive manner, and Alex notices what seems to be incongruence between what he imagines the experiences was like for Maria, and the tone she shares it in. What do you notice about Maria's nonverbals in relation to what she is sharing? How does Alex share his observation without dismissing Maria's mode of expression? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently? There are no universal rules for what nonverbals should accompany what emotions, but nevertheless, for two speakers from a relatively similar cultural context, there are common patterns. Here, Alex witnesses an expression on Maria's face that does not fit with how he imagines the incident she describes must have felt for her. How hurtful was this experience? Maria is not saying explicitly and Alex takes the chance to comment on her nonverbal as a way to touch base with her on her experience of the event. In doing so Maria offers more and confirms Alex's hunch in the process.

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