[MUSICAL TONE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Tonight, Panorama ison the front of domestic abuse, hearingfrom those whose lives have been blighted by abusive partners.

DAWN GREGORY: My mind wasn't my own anymore.I was frightened.I was frightened of the police.I was frightened of him.I was frightened of everything.

JULIE WALTERS: And the unseen victims, seldom heard.

MEGAN: I always used to get scared about I didn't know whathe was going to do, so I ended up hiding in my roomor in the wardrobe.

JADE: If I mentioned it to anybody,they'd look at me as if I was mad.I didn't have the black eye.That's not abuse.

JULIE WALTERS: Others are held hostage by aggression.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: She can't leave.She might get killed.

JULIE WALTERS: One in 10 prosecutionsnow involves domestic violence-- a challenge for all of us.

RUTH JONES: We've talked a lot about domestic abusein society, but we haven't got to that real understandingof what it is.We need to stop being ignorant.[MUSIC PLAYING][Domestic Abuse, Caught on Camera]

RUTH JONES [continued]: [#bbcpanorama]

JULIE WALTERS: The Isle of Wight.[Narrator -- JULIE WALTERS]

JULIE WALTERS: It's a cold, wet, Saturday night.

DAWN GREGORY: Help me, please.

SPEAKER 1: What's the problem?

DAWN GREGORY: Help me.

SPEAKER 1: Yes, what's the problem?

DAWN GREGORY: He slapped me again tonight.

SPEAKER 1: Alright, we'll get someone round to you.

DAWN GREGORY: Help me, please.Help me.Please, help me.

JULIE WALTERS: Two police officersrespond to a remote farm cottage.Both officers have a new piece of kit-- body-worn videocameras.[DOG BARKING][Police footage, 26th October 2013]

SPEAKER 2: Hello, Mr. Gregory.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Oh, hello.

JULIE WALTERS: The husband answers the door.

SPEAKER 2: How're you?

MICHAEL GREGORY: Oh, I'm fine, thank you.

SPEAKER 2: Could we speak to your wife, please?[DOG BARKING]

MICHAEL GREGORY: If she'll speak to you.

JULIE WALTERS: His wife called 999 without him knowing.He's not keen to let them in.

MICHAEL GREGORY: I'm cooking a meal at the moment.

SPEAKER 2: OK, that's fine.Is it OK if we just come in and speak to your wife?

MIKE GREGORY: Do you want to speak to them, Dawn?

JULIE WALTERS: The code was, no, youdon't want to speak to them.When Mike speaks to you like that,that means you're not allowed to because nothing happened.

JULIE WALTERS: But when the police go in,something had happened.Something terrible.[TV PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

JULIE WALTERS: Her injuries were the worst injuriesI have ever seen on a living person in 18years of policing. [PC Matthew Rumsey]I am surprised that Dawn is alive today.

DAWN GREGORY: Mike decided that we'd have a special meal.I said to Mike I would cook it, being as it was his birthday.No, you don't have to do that.I will do it.

JULIE WALTERS: It was her husband's 76 birthday,but it became a twisted celebration.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: After 10 years together,Dawn knew the signs when things would turn ugly.

DAWN GREGORY: It was like he-- he was different.He came over, and for some unknown reason, startedpunching me.And he was trying to strangle me.But I thought to myself, why? [Dawn] I thought just, why?And he said, right, you sit down.And I had to sit down.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: It's your 76th birthday today.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Yes.

DAWN GREGORY: He put this toast, and mushroom, and everythingin front of me, and said, you'll eat that.And I thought, I've got to be able to swallow it.[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAWN GREGORY: He just kept going to the kitchen, coming back.And he put his knee onto my chest.I was still sat in the chair, and I heard my ribs crack.And then the last time, he was really, really punching me.Bearing in mind, my ribs were broke.And I thought, this is it.[INAUDIBLE]

JULIE WALTERS: Michael punched her repeatedly and tore outher hair in an attack fuelled by false jealousy and rage.

DAWN GREGORY: He kept punching me and saying people's names.People that I'd only sort of met slightly.He'd lost reality.

JULIE WALTERS: A former police officer and criminologistspecializing in domestic homicide watched the footage.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: Her head's been knocked around.She may be concussed.She's certainly probably in some amountof pain. [Dr. Jane Monckton Smith, Criminologist,University of Gloucestershire] But the amount of calm--you'd think that she perhaps was a witness to the violencerather than the victim.

JULIE WALTERS: Michael appears unconcerned.

DAWN GREGORY: He didn't seem to even thinkhe was doing anything wrong.In his mind, all he was doing was cooking me a meal.

JULIE WALTERS: Near him, Dawn also appears calm, muted.Pretending that everything is normalis a coping mechanism she has learned to keep the peace.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Put another coat on.

DAWN GREGORY: No.I don't need a coat.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: She will mirror what he is doing.She will try and maintain calm to placate him.The chronic fear, the dread, is something that she--it's part of her life, so she is able to remain calm.

SPEAKER 2: Sorry, we've never met before.

DAWN GREGORY: I know, no.

SPEAKER 2: So what's gone on this evening?

DAWN GREGORY: It's his birthday.

JULIE WALTERS: Inside, the policetell Michael he's going to be arrested and to get his things.They try to keep him out of the bedroom where Dawn is,so Michael tells her to pack is back.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Can you sort out night bags and that,you've got me arrested again.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: No, she hasn't, Michael.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: Even then, he was putting the onus upon Dawnto get his medication, his person effects ready.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Can you get that white bagout, so I can talk to--

JULIE WALTERS: Even badly injured, she dare not disobey.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Sprays?

SPEAKER 2: Sprays.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Yeah.

SPEAKER 2: Some spray?

MICHAEL GREGORY: And tissues.

SPEAKER 2: Tissues.Is that enough tissues, is it?

DAWN GREGORY: Yeah, yeah.

DAWN GREGORY: I don't know how I was doing it.I managed to get up from the chair.I was on automatic.Because even though the police were there,I still had to do as I was told.

JULIE WALTERS: Michael's been arrested twicein the last eight days for attacking Dawn.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Who called you?

MATTHEW RUMSEY: OK.

MICHAEL GREGORY: Who called you?

MATTHEW RUMSEY: We were told that there was--

JULIE WALTERS: But now he's getting upset and angry.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: So.Michael, Michael.

MICHAEL GREGORY: No, you're getting me arrested again.I'm going down this time.That's what you want, isn't it?

MATTHEW RUMSEY: Michael.

MICHAEL GREGORY: This is supposed to be a 76th birthday.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: OK.OK.

MICHAEL GREGORY: I love her like hell.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: Come out to the car with me.Come on.

MICHAEL GREGORY: She just wants me locked up.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: Come on.

MICHAEL GREGORY: She do.

DAWN GREGORY: He don't love me.Love is hit--

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: It is often asked, why doesn't shejust leave?Look how many times he's been arrested.Look how many times he's hit her.And all of these questions make the assumptionthat she has choice in any of these things.When somebody is controlled, that's exactly what it is.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH [continued]: Those choices are taken away.She can't leave.She might get killed.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: All abusers prey on vulnerability.Michael charmed his way into Dawn's lifeafter her first husband left her.

DAWN GREGORY: He would be just everything you'd-- well,you hadn't had for so many years.He made you feel alive again, a woman again,and you've got a purpose in life.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: It didn't last.Michael picked their home, an isolated cottage.It became Dawn's prison.And he set the rules.

DAWN GREGORY: I couldn't speak to people as I wanted to.You're not allowed to even say helloto your next door neighbor.I wasn't allowed to collect my post.I had to go to bed when he said.I used to have to ask permission to even go to the toilet.

DAWN GREGORY [continued]: We wasn't allowed to use the telephone after nine o'clock.He'd come in a rage-- and it was a rage.Why did you pick up that phone?We're supposed to be doing everything together.And it was always emphasized together.Then it would be a punch.And I knew then it was my fault, because I shouldn't

DAWN GREGORY [continued]: have picked up the phone.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Dawn's ordeal reveals the realityof what some experts call intimate terrorism-- the useof nonviolent tactics underpinnedby violence to totally dictate a partner's behavior.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: She hadn't been living,as far as I'm concerned-- not from what I know nowof that relationship.What Dawn was doing was she'd been surviving.

JULIE WALTERS: This sort of coercive controlcould soon be made a new criminal offense.The aim would be to stop and punish nonviolent abuse.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: Most of the behaviorsthat make up coercive control are not on their own,or even together, against the law.If we start recognizing the control,we might be able to start preventing future deaths.

JULIE WALTERS: Under a constant onslaught of fear and violence,Dawn's self-worth and free will were gradually broken down.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: What abusers of this type demandis abject devotion.And practically everything she doeswill be a test of that devotion for him,and that will be her life.And that is the way that she will behave all the time.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Women can be violent or controlling too,and same sex relationships can be abusive.Too often, domestic abuse against anyoneis only tackled once someone is hurt.But the hidden reality is no less destructive.You're stripped of everything.You're stripped of your dignity.Every day I was walking on eggshells all the time.

RUTH JONES: Some men want to havewhat they want at any given time,and they're prepared to do whatever it takesto make sure that happens. [Dr. Ruth Jones OBE, Instituteof Health and Society, University of Worcester]The underlying principle that unites them all is the same,and that's control.All couples go through arguments,but this is a different thing altogether.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JO: I'm going to call it this-- distorted perspectives.So humiliation, degradation.

JULIE WALTERS: These women in a support grouplived in relationships distorted by coercive controlwith partners who were private abusers and public charmers.

SPEAKER 3: And saying, wow, I wish mine, was like that.You're so lucky.

JULIE WALTERS: Behind closed doors,it was a different story.

SPEAKER 4: My husband used to spit on me.

SPEAKER 5: I could handle a black eye.I could handle a-- anything.Just don't humiliate me.

JO: You notice there's no violence here yet.

SPEAKER 6: He's controlling so well, it's the fear.

SPEAKER 7: Or they do one thing early on,so you have that fear.So the rest of time, you do do what is asked of you.

JO: So it's kind of about brain washing.

JULIE WALTERS: The list of controlsthe trainer, Jo, is using, isn't from a leafletabout domestic abuse.It actually comes from a list of methodsused to force submission in Communist prison camps.

JO: Do you still feel stupid that you didn't see it?Because I don't think you should.In fact, what I think you should feel is actually, God,I lived that.And I got out of it, and I'm sitting here.And you should all be very proud of yourselves.Because that's really tough to get through.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Jade did the same courseafter escaping an abusive relationship thatlasted nearly two years.

JADE: I was a broken woman when I went in there.I looked at the floor.There was no way I could look people in the eye.I crawled into the place.

JULIE WALTERS: She was cut off from friends,and her partner controlled all her money.But she rationalized his behaviorto herself and to the outside worldbecause actual physical violence was rare.

JADE: I was brain washed, not knowingwhen the next firework was going to go off,whether I had to cook the dinner right,whether I had cleaned the floor properly.

JADE: What do you think?Shall we?

JADE: I was still walking down that road with my headheld high although I was crumbling inside.If I mentioned it to anybody, theywould look at me as if I was mad.I didn't have the black eye.That's not abuse.It was caring, so why would I want to leave?

JULIE WALTERS: Coercive control and violence feedoff each other.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: Control has beenfound to be more correlated with homicidethan violence on its own.It is the control itself and that obsessive sortof psychology in the abuser that is the really dangerous factor.There are some homicides that occurthat have no history of violence at all, for example.

JULIE WALTERS: Across the country,100,000 people are believed to be at high risk of serious harmor murder from domestic abuse.Many live in knife-edge relationshipswith potentially violent partners.Last year, nearly 80 women were killedby their partner or ex-partner.

JANE MONCKTON SMITH: Coercive controlis used by people who have a complete dependenceon the person they are controlling.We think it's the woman who is dependent.But more often, more normally, it would be that the manactually is dependent on her, and he cannot foresee or cannot

JANE MONCKTON SMITH [continued]: cope with the relationship ending at all.

JULIE WALTERS: Any attempt to break awayrisks crossing the danger line.

DAWN GREGORY: I seen an advert in a shop window.They wanted volunteers for a charity shop.I memorized the number.And I thought to myself, I really want to do that.It would get me away from him.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: But Michael wanted Dawn to himself.Her volunteering a day and a half a weekbecame an act of rebellion.After his arrest, Dawn discovered just how farMichael was prepared to go to exert his control.His birthday attack was pre-planned.On the day he assaulted Dawn, Michael had

JULIE WALTERS [continued]: been to see her shop manager.

LINDA PITCHER: I was in the shop one morning, and he came in.[Linda Pitcher] He seemed his usual self, quite happy.He said, I've just come to tell youthat Dawn can't come in for the next couple of weeks.[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Linda realized the truth after the attack.

LINDA PITCHER: And I thought, oh my God,that was after he spoke to me.That nice, friendly guy was planningon going home and beating his wife.And that staggered me.

JULIE WALTERS: Michael was planningboth to cover up his attack and make it impossible for Dawnto go back to work.

DAWN GREGORY: Tonight he kept beating up my face.

SPEAKER 2: OK.

DAWN GREGORY: Because I was so near to going back to work.He knew I was going to go back on Thursday.I can't.I feel dirty.I just want him to stop hitting me.

DAWN GREGORY: I was frightened.I was frightened of the police.I was frightened of him.I was frightened of everything at that point.

JULIE WALTERS: To afraid even to go to the hospital.

SPEAKER 2: He will be at the police stationwhile you're looked at at the hospital.We need to get those injuries--

DAWN GREGORY: I'm scared.

SPEAKER 2: --especially your eye.

DAWN GREGORY: I'm so scared.

JULIE WALTERS: And with good cause.Hampshire police also filmed this incident a week earlier.Dawn reported she'd been hit in the facebut refused to give a statement.In the last eight years, Michael has been in prison twiceand in court seven times accused of criminal damageand crimes of violence against his 60-year-old wife.

JULIE WALTERS [continued]: Dawn's diary recalled she was hit nine timesin one three-month period.And Dawn knows that calling the policerisks making the next beating worse.

DAWN GREGORY: I thought to myself,that will be the end of me.He'll know it's me, and I will pay the price.And the price will be him actually finishing the job.

JULIE WALTERS: Dawn is understandably reluctantto give evidence against her husband.

DAWN GREGORY: He thinks it's fine to keep beating me up.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: Why-- why will you not give me a statement?

DAWN GREGORY: I can't.I have to abide by the rules.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: You're not going to keep going through this.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: I'm arresting you on suspicion of assaultoccasioning actual bodily harm.She's not giving us a statement, OK.So.Michael, Michael.

MICHAEL GREGORY: No, you're getting me arrested again.I'm going down this time.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: I'll follow you.

JULIE WALTERS: When Dawn finally agrees to go to hospital,Hampshire police officers stay with her.The evidence of Michael's previous assaultsare written in bruises all over her body.

SPEAKER 8: Are you adamant you won't give us a statement?

DAWN GREGORY: Where's it going to get me?Beaten up again?

SPEAKER 8: Well, no.What I want to do is put him in prison.

DAWN GREGORY: He's been in prison.

JULIE WALTERS: After almost four hours, she gives a statement.

DAWN GREGORY: Yes, I'll do it now.Get it over with.

SPEAKER 8: OK.

DAWN GREGORY: What they got on the camera,they could actually see the pain.Nobody could contradict anything,because we had the proof this time.And that sort of gave me strength.

JULIE WALTERS: Michael has since been jailed for 10 years.

DAWN GREGORY: The police were brilliant.I was hostile.I know that.I was confused and everything.

JULIE WALTERS: But nationally, the police responseto domestic abuse has not always beenthat understanding or successful.[MUSIC PLAYING][March 2014]

SPEAKER 9: Thousands of victims arebeing failed by police forces across England and Walesaccording to a new report.The HM Inspector of the Constabularystrongly criticized the response from police forces,saying they reveal alarming and unacceptable weaknesses.

SPEAKER 10: Six-three-oh-six.[RADIO CHATTER]

JULIE WALTERS: Police forces, like here in Essex,are trying to regain ground.This is the battle line.

SPEAKER 11: Your partner's just opened the front door,and what's he doing now?

JULIE WALTERS: Domestic abuse is a huge part of their workload.

SPEAKER 12: I've got a conduct of harassment against her.She's obviously a high-risk domestic victim.

JULIE WALTERS: 90 calls in this one countyare about domestic abuse every day.Across the country, the police are called every 30 secondsto domestic abuse incidents.They account for 1/3 of assaults with injuries, and at least onein four women report an experience of domestic abuse.

SPEAKER 13: We're just trying to stop this abuse from happening.

SPEAKER 14: It's always difficult,because a lot of the time the suspect is still on the sceneas well.

JULIE WALTERS: The cameras that helpedDawn could become a significant tool in the police responseto domestic abuse.Hampshire police, and Essex police,have both been piloting their use.

MATTHEW RUMSEY: They are a fantastic wayof capturing incidents and showing,on occasions, the seriousness, sometimesthe confusion of an incident.

JULIE WALTERS: First results suggestthat officers wearing cameras can help.They can build a case even without a victimgiving a statement.This isn't just about couples.130,000 children are believed to be at significant riskfrom domestic abuse.

JULIE WALTERS [continued]: The extent to which they get damaged in the crossfireneeds to be recognized.

RUTH JONES: Abusive men will use childrento try to destroy the relationship between a motherand her child by any means possible.Domestic violence is about control.What better way to control someone?[MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: In Manchester, Rachael had two childrenand was in a violent and controlling relationshipfor 25 years.At his worst, her husband demandedto know where she was all the time.She couldn't leave.

RACHAEL: Andrew would threaten my children,saying that he would find me.I completely believed that he would kill one of my children.Their

JULIE WALTERS: Their son James suffered most.

RACHAEL: And I'd go, right, and I'd say, I'm leaving.And he'd go, James, you're staying with me.She can go where she wants to, but you're staying here.And he'd be holding him in his arms, going, go on.Tell her she needs to say sorry, and that she's not going to go.Say sorry, Mommy, because we can stay then.

JULIE WALTERS: Megan, now nine, lived in a climate of fearfor more than half her life.Panorama took extensive specialist guidancebefore filming her.Her school and the police are aware she's taking part.

MEGAN: I always used to get scared.I didn't know if he was going to start hitting again.I didn't know what he was going to do,so I ended up hiding in my room or in the wardrobe.

JULIE WALTERS: Megan tried to help her mother.

MEGAN: I was shouting to them.Stop, stop, stop.Why can't you just both say sorry to each otherand stop the fight?But Andrew didn't listen to any of us.

JULIE WALTERS: And Megan had to endureher father's total rejection.

RACHAEL: He used to shake her a bitand call her a little bitch.You're a little bitch, you, aren't you?Take after Dad, because you obviously-- you're not mine.

JULIE WALTERS: Rachael's husband soughtto control her and her then-teenage sonJames by threatening Megan.

RACHAEL: Me and James decided that the best way with Meganwas to guard her.And if that meant taking the beating for protecting her,then that's what we did.

JULIE WALTERS: And she endured had repeated attacks.

RACHAEL: Megan sat on the bed, and she's crying.He starts hitting us with the door knob.And so what I did was I climbed over the top of Megan.So you're curled around that person,and you're protecting them fully with basically your life.Because you think, Well, if he kills me,he's not going to get through to her.I'm going to make sure she's not killed with me.

RACHAEL [continued]: [MUSIC PLAYING]

JULIE WALTERS: Early in their relationship,Dawn's children from her first marriage were also at risk.

DAWN GREGORY: I wanted to be with my children.But at the end of the day, wherever I went,he would find me.And I thought to myself, well, he knows everything about me.I can run, but I can't hide.I was so exhausted with what he was doing to me and everythingelse, I thought, no.It's not fair to them.

JULIE WALTERS: Dawn eventually allowed her younger childrento be taken into care.

RUTH JONES: Some women will allow their childrento go into care.And that might not make any sense to us.But it makes sense to them, because theyknow if they don't have the ability at the momentto end that relationship, at least they can find a wayto keep the child safe.

JULIE WALTERS: Just two days after Dawn's children weretaken, it was Mothering Sunday.Michael planned a special day.A picnic at this local beauty spot.But it soon turned sour.

DAWN GREGORY: I thought to myself, there's no one around.He did start hitting me, and he justkept hitting me, and hitting me.It was perfect, again.Even though I was with him, I was isolated.

JULIE WALTERS: She hasn't been back until nowto face the echoes of that day.

DAWN GREGORY: Even though Mike's no longer here,it's as though sometimes he still is.And I've got a pain coming in my chest, and I think that's him.Because it's brought me back here.And I can actually feel that when he broke my ribs,it's actually hurting again like it did.

JULIE WALTERS: But women do survive and escape--like Dawn, Rachael, and Jade.Like most of the women Panorama spoke to,she only escaped with help from a specialist charity.

JADE: I owe them my life, really.I'm still living with the effects of abuse every day.But I'm different.I'm a different person.I've learned to live with it.I've learned that, actually, it's not my fault.

JULIE WALTERS: Now she is workingat the same charity as a support worker helping other women.

JADE: That was my life then.This is my life now.I still look over my shoulder.I still worry about just in case Iwas to bump into my ex-partner.But I learned to live with it.

JULIE WALTERS: People need help and an exitplan to safely escape obsessive and jealous partners.

RACHAEL: Leaving isn't the end.It's not the end.Every week, some letters.He'd email.He'd phone, even though I changed my mobile number.Hopefully he's learned by now that if he does something,that I am going to react with the police.

JULIE WALTERS: Rachael has had to move three times,but Megan is happier in their new home.

MEGAN: I said, is Dad going to be here?And she said, no.And I said, well, good.It feels better without him being around and nothitting anybody.

JULIE WALTERS: Domestic abuse is everyone's problem.

RUTH JONES: I think we turn a blind eye to it.We pretend it's not as serious as it is, because we don't wantto face up to the fact that women are dyingand children living in fear.I've done this role for 30 years,and I don't want to continue to listento those five-year-old girls sittingat the top of the stairs scared.I don't want to listen to any more women talking about being

RUTH JONES [continued]: scared for their lives.We need to stop it.We need to stop this issue now.And we can if we understand what domestic abuse isand we're all willing to act.

JULIE WALTERS: Dawn is rebuilding her life.She says she now has a good relationship withand frequently she sees her children.

DAWN GREGORY: The damage doesn't go away.I don't think it'll ever go away.They say time heals, but sometimes it doesn't.He tried to destroy everything that was beautiful,but he can't achieve it.I've got to rise above that and just get on with it,and keep coming back to the places I love until I get

DAWN GREGORY [continued]: him completely out of my mind.[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAWN GREGORY [continued]: [MUSICAL TONE]