Engagement as a Relationship Stage

History

In Europe, the announcement of the intention to marry can be traced to Pope Innocent III's 1215 decree: “Marriages are to be … announced publicly in the churches by the priests during a suitable and fixed time, so that if legitimate impediments exist, they may be made known.” In some places, this was called “the reading of the banns” and was one way of preparing for and [Page 531]legalizing marriage. Innocent's decree is the best-known and most historically visible basis for formal engagement. The state of being formally engaged is “betrothal.” In the United States, the average length of an engagement is 16 months.

The engagement ring can be traced as far back as the 15th century among high-status couples. It is worn on the woman's fourth finger of the left hand in English-speaking countries, with that finger considered to contain the vena amoris, or the “vein of love.” In Continental Europe, the ring is worn on the right hand. In the United States, some 75 percent of brides-to-be receive an engagement ring. Though much less frequent, during the 20th century in Canada and the United States, engagement rings also began being given by the woman to the man. Some formal engagements include an engagement party, hosted by the bride-to-be's family. It usually takes place from 6 months to a year before the wedding.

In the United States, one-third of engaged couples hire a wedding consultant—though this is more likely in upper-income families. Recent U.S. statistics show that during the engagement period, couples and their families spend some $4 billion on furniture, $3 billion on housewares, and $400 million on tableware in preparation for the marriage and setting up the household.

The sexual revolution and an increase in middle-class cohabitation during the second half of the 20th century had a substantial effect on the practice of formal engagement. Though Alfred Kinsey's samples were hardly representative, his 1950 report showed that half of premarital sex was considered “engagement sex” among women—that is, it was almost exclusively with one's fiancé, and often took place just before the wedding. But by the early 21st century, sexual activity and formal engagement have become separated factors in relationships. Also, cohabitation has caused a reduction in the frequency of formal engagement because the transition may simply be from cohabitation into marriage.

...