'Relate counsellors interested in extending their learning about cognitive therapy will find this manual a comprehensive guide'- Jan Hobbs, Relate News 'An easy-to-read, comprehensive text which provides a practical guide to skills for starting, maintaining and cultivating successful relationships, whether of opposite sexes or the same sex' - The Australian Journal of Counselling Psychology Creating Happy Relationships is written in a comfortable non-academic style, using simple everyday English, and incorporates recent research and theory. In addition to many vignettes of partners creating and cultivating happiness there are plenty of practical activities for improving partner skills. This book is a major resource for prospective partners, couples, for marriage preparation and counselling courses, and human communication and relationship education courses in schools, colleges and universities.
Chapter 6: Creating Rules
The Golden Rule is that there are no golden rules.
One of the main ways in which you can create happiness in your relationships is to possess rules that affirm rather than negate yourself, your partner and others. Perhaps the most prominent advocate of analysing the effect of your rules on communication is American psychologist Albert Ellis, who mostly uses the term beliefs instead of rules (Ellis, 1996).
Rules are the ‘do's and ‘don't's by which you lead your life. You have an inner rule-book that guides how you relate. An illustrative personal rule might be ‘I must never make mistakes’. In addition, you and your partner will jointly form relationship rules to guide communication between you. An illustrative relationship rule is ...