'Relate counsellors interested in extending their learning about cognitive therapy will find this manual a comprehensive guide'- Jan Hobbs, Relate News 'An easy-to-read, comprehensive text which provides a practical guide to skills for starting, maintaining and cultivating successful relationships, whether of opposite sexes or the same sex' - The Australian Journal of Counselling Psychology Creating Happy Relationships is written in a comfortable non-academic style, using simple everyday English, and incorporates recent research and theory. In addition to many vignettes of partners creating and cultivating happiness there are plenty of practical activities for improving partner skills. This book is a major resource for prospective partners, couples, for marriage preparation and counselling courses, and human communication and relationship education courses in schools, colleges and universities.
Chapter 3: Influences from Your past
Influences from Your past
Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word.
As partners you bring to your relationship your past histories. One of these histories relates to what happened when you were growing up. Another history relates to your previous intimate relationships. In varying degrees, you are both the beneficiary and victim of your histories and of your own contribution to them. In this chapter I focus mainly on influences from your childhood and adolescence rather than on later influences.
When growing, you received numerous messages relevant to learning both skills and confidence. Sometimes openly, and often subtly, these messages contained information about how worthy of respect ...