Also with Melanie K. Barnes, Sheryl Perlmutter Bowen, Heather R. Carlson, Marilyn Coleman, Lawrence H. Ganong, Jeffrey Haig, John H. Harvey, Renee F. Lyons, Darlene Meade, Paula Michal-Johnson, Suzanne M. Retzinger, James T. West, Jacqueline P. Wiseman, Katherine D. Wright & Paul H. Wright “Highly recommended.” –Mark Waldman in Contemporary Psychology “Each chapter of Confronting Relationship Challenges has something new to say. … The chapters offer rich opportunities for researchers to expand their investigations and their conceptualizations. … This book will challenge the reader to enhanced understanding and increased commitment to appropriate intervening when others (and ourselves) are overwhelmed by the ‘dark side’ of relationships.” –Judith L. Fischer in Journal of Marriage and the Family Addressing the difficult side of relationships, Confronting Relationship Challenges moves forward in the Understanding Relationship Processes Series by taking an honest look at what can go wrong with relationships and highlighting some of the challenges partners might face while struggling to comprehend their connectedness to one another. Edited by Steve Duck and Julia Wood, discussion in this volume moves away from any implication that relationships are only good and delightful. Even in the very closest of relationships, pain and suffering are inevitable and the contributing scholars examine the management and tolerance skills required of participants in order to construct meaningful interpretations of themselves, each other, and the relationship as all components evolve and interact in continually changing contexts. Relationship challenges examined in this book include conflict, enemies, the reconfiguring “family” after a divorce, codependency, interpersonal violence, HIV/AIDS, chronic illness, and managing grief over a partner's death. Students and scholars in interpersonal communication, social psychology, clinical/counseling psychology, family studies, psychology and sociology will find this volume to be a valuable resource.
Chapter 2: Shame and Anger in Personal Relationships
Shame and Anger in Personal Relationships
quarrels are common in personal relationships. Kelley et al. (1983) view relationships as conflictful to the extent that conflict occurs frequently, intensely, and/or for long periods of time. The failure to deal with conflict may be the single most powerful force in dampening marital satisfaction (Cuber & Harroff, 1965), if not the most prominent cause of marital failure (Mace, 1976). Despite the prevalence of conflict and emotions such as anger and shame in normal relationships, researchers have paid little attention to these emotions and the challenges they pose to partners. Whereas some conflicts are intense and may escalate into serious struggles even at the slightest provocation, ending in verbal and emotional abuse, violence, and/or ...