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Person Centered Grief Counseling, Part 2

Video Type: In Practice

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Summary

Dale Larson works with Pamela in a two-part counseling session. Pamela's daughter, Gabriela, died at age 17 of suicide from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. A year and a half after Gabriela's death, Pamela remains in deep, anguishing emotional pain; has difficulty accepting the reality of the loss; yearns for her beloved daughter; and blames herself for not seeing any signs or indicators of suicidality. As with many bereaved parents, the second year is sometimes extraordinarily difficult, and this is the case with Pamela, who continues to struggle on a day-to-day basis and is separately in treatment with mental health professionals in her community. In the first session, Larson explores Pamela's relationship with Gabriela, as he invites her to talk about her daughter and her current response to her loss. In the second session, Pamela continues her search for an approach to grieving that works for her as she struggles to accept the reality of the loss. She emphasizes that it is important to her to mourn in her own way: “Chasing sorrow with words” is not helping, she says, and she wants to instead be “still” and listen to herself to discern the best next steps in her grieving process. Right now, as is common with many bereaved parents, Pamela experiences the persistent acute grief reactions that characterize complicated or traumatic grief. She is often overwhelmed by yearning, frequently experiences extreme pain when thinking of Gabriela, and is plagued by agonizing feelings of responsibility. She repeatedly and poignantly says “I failed” and reports a recurring dream in which she tells Gabriela “I'll fix it.” This stuck point in her grieving process would be a central focus of continuing work with Pamela. There are also hopeful moments, as Pamela reports strong support from friends and her husband, is comforted by the belief that Gabriela is no longer in pain, and has moments of “joy” arise when pain is absent. Caring for her son is also a great source of relief and fulfillment. In the final moments of the session, Pamela expresses excitement about a time when she will return to her ceramics studio, a time when she will be able to express her mourning and love for Gabriela through creative self-expression. (Viewers should note that the two counseling sessions conducted by Larson are not part of an ongoing therapy. This bereaved parent was currently in treatment with a mental health professional in her community. Thus, many of the interventions that might be expected in such an interview, such as more extensive assessment or referrals to other mental health professionals and resources, are not made here. The purpose of this video was to show a person-centered approach to grief counseling and to allow the client to share the story of her grief and the life of her beloved daughter.) Larson's approach to grief counseling is shaped by his basic understanding of grief as a natural condition—the human reaction to loss—that can generally be expected to abate over time and that can often lead to psychological growth. His role as a grief counselor is to accelerate or unblock this natural healing process—to get grief working—particularly if this process is moving more slowly than expected or if the reaction to a loss is severe or protracted. In this session, he demonstrates empathic attunement and a respectful stance toward Pamela and her experiences as he listens to her story—unafraid to be witness and be present with the intense and often unsettling emotions and thoughts that Pamela brings to the session. A person-centered approach emphasizes an authentic, caring, and inviting relationship with the client. This relationship can, ideally, provide the kind of deeply communicated empathy and understanding that allow clients to: ”¢ accept and make sense of the loss experience; ”¢ have the emotions of grief guide adjustment to loss; ”¢ clarify, accept, and integrate new experiences of self; ”¢ discover new meanings in the painful events; ”¢ discover and explore emerging directions for growth, new goals in life, and generally adaptive movement into the future; and ”¢ establish continuing bonds with the lost loved one that are not maintained through the pain of loss. Dale G. Larson, PhD, is a professor of counseling psychology at Santa Clara University and is a former Fulbright scholar, a fellow in the American Psychological Association (Division 17, Counseling Psychology, and Division 38, Health Psychology), and a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist. His scholarly interests have focused on grief counseling, end-of-life care issues, counseling skills, stress and stress management in the helping professions, and secrets and self-concealment. He has published extensively in his areas of interest and is the editor of Teaching Psychological Skills: Models for Giving Psychology Away and the author of the award-winning book The Helper's Journey: Working With People Facing Grief, Loss, and Life-Threatening Illness. A more complete description of this model is presented in his chapter “A Person-Centred Approach to Grief Counselling,” in M. Cooper, M. OHara, P. F. Schmid, and A. Bohart's (Eds.) The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy and Counselling (2nd ed.; New York: Palgrave Macmillan).

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