DAWN BRAITHWAITE: One of the theoriesthat I find most useful in interpersonal communicationis the theory of communication privacy management.This was developed by Sandra Petronio,and she thinks about relationshipsas developing what she calls a rule-based system of meaning,that you actually develop with somebody else rules about what

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: it is that you'll say and what you'll not say,who you're going to tell certain things to,who owns information.And the concept of ownership has alwaysbeen central to this theory.So if I know something about you,we become co-owners of that information,and then we have to negotiate that and navigate that.One example that Sandra wrote about in a case study

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: for one of my books was a couple who married.And he was very, very close to his family and was very open,and they told each other everything.And he married a woman who was much more private.So when they go over to his parents' houseand he starts talking about the factthat they've been arguing about when to have children, and allof a sudden his mother and his father and his brothers

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: and sisters are all discussing this.And his wife is completely humiliated,and she feels like they've ganged up on them, because theydon't really share a system of rules for communicating.And this happens to us all the time in communication,whether in the workplace-- so, for example,who owns information from my-- you know,I'm a department chair.

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: Who can I tell certain things to?Even my own husband, who works with us, too.And so we're always navigating in relationshipsthis idea of what we're going to sayand what we're not going to say.An interesting example of using communication privacymanagement theory is in the work of Amee Miller-Ott, whois at Illinois State University.Amy studied couples who were divorced

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: but now having to co-parent children.And she looked at how do you tell,or when do you tell, or do you tell your former spousethat you're now dating?She found that some people kind of hid that informationbecause they didn't want to hurt that person or upset them.Some people used that informationas a bit of a bludgeon to say, ha ha, I'm datingand you're still a loser.

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: Some people decided, I'm not goingto tell that information directly,but I'm going to have the kids pass on that information.Parents, by the way, tend to think that's a great strategy,but kids don't.And so communication privacy managementhelps us to understand when you have those shared boundaries.But that can create boundary turbulence,because one person might want to be very open about dating,

DAWN BRAITHWAITE [continued]: and the other person may not want to know.And that theory helps us to look at those kinds of issues.