A Coordinator's Case Study - scripting

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    • 00:00

      [MUSIC PLAYING][Hard Conversations-- A Coordinator's Case Study--Scripting]Jennifer Abrams: So we've got this outcome map.We want to deal-- this is a professional conversationabout her being a part of the band.But you're also kind of worried about her as a personbecause you've known her for a long time.So we got to kind of blend the personal and the professional,right?Maile: Right.

    • 00:20

      Jennifer Abrams: So let's see howwe can blend that into the initial scripting protocol.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: How do you want to start offthis conversation with her so that she knows that you careabout her as both parts of what you're about before youactually get into the fact that we got to be a part of a bandhere.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: So how might you want to say that?

    • 00:42

      Maile: I think it's definitely those words, right?Jennifer Abrams: OK, so go ahead.Maile: You're a friend.You're also a colleague.There are some things I'm noticing.Jennifer Abrams: And we work together on behalf of kidshere, so we got to have this conversation, right?

    • 00:55

      SPEAKER 2: Right.Jennifer Abrams: I mean, it's sort of that kind of--Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: To me it's the [INAUDIBLE] pieceof the support and then the challenge.Maile: Right.RightJennifer Abrams: So how would you frame the issue with this?Maile: I would just go straight to the band.Jennifer Abrams: OK, so work with me on it, so--Maile: So we know there's a reorg, the reorganization,right?

    • 01:15

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: It's not all the same players.We got a new band, and I totally think you're a rock star.You know that, right?This is the great work you've done.There's just some things I'm noticing, so let's--Jennifer Abrams: About how we needto work together as a band.Maile: As a teamJennifer Abrams: As a band.OK, cool.So what are the things that you'renoticing that you want to say are

    • 01:37

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: the specific examples that you noticed that she's notkind of--Maile: Well, not being vocal in meetings the waythat it has been before.You know, so being vocal at meetings.And then participating in social events, right?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: OK, I'll put the third one about space last

    • 01:58

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: because that's the one that's the most chargedbecause it really isn't fair.She has 3/4 of an office.The other person has a quarter.Jennifer Abrams: Then you got to actually name it.And so that's fine, you can talk about the other two,but that's really the thing that you're noticingis really that's not the band.The band is not happening, you know.Maile: Yeah.Jennifer Abrams: Now, so you've got a couplethings that you're noticing she's not

    • 02:19

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: being a team player about.When you think about adding your feelings to this.Maile: RightJennifer Abrams: There's a possible inclusionof this right now.Maile: Mm-hmm.Jennifer Abrams: Is it for, in your sense, appropriate to addlike, and I'm kind of sad or I miss you or is that not what

    • 02:39

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: you'd want to add?I'm just sort of curious.Maile: No, for this person it's gotta be more about,I'm also guilty.That I'm also [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE],right?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: That it's not just her.Because I've been doing things where I notice,oh my god, Marlene, shut up or, oh my gosh, Marlene,why did you do this, right?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: There's other people who have capacity to do things.

    • 03:00

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Not everyone's an empty vessel thinking about the dark.Just that I'm not doing that, so I know that, for this person,it's important that--Jennifer Abrams: That you include your contribution.Maile: RightJennifer Abrams: But what it is about is the team.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: So we've got to talk about, like,and so she doesn't come to lunch and so shehas three quarters of the space and she isn't contributing.

    • 03:25

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: What's the, so what, there?Why is that so important that--Maile: Because we're not maximizing our group potential.Like if somebody feels less than because of space.If someone feels like, oh, you know,why isn't she coming with us?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: Are we not good enough for her to hang out with?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Would you say to her, and it's notmaximizing team effectiveness.

    • 03:46

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Maile: Well, I would say--Jennifer Abrams: Because I'm kind of kidding you with thatbecause it sounds so heady.Maile: Right.Well, I would say that or I would say something around,by not doing this, it's really decreasingour sense of interdependence.And that's how--Jennifer Abrams: About our sense of interdependence.And she would feel OK with that word.She would get that it's like, we're not a team.

    • 04:07

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Maile: Right.Right.Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: So instead of this, like thatmight be what I'm thinking, but it's about decreasingour sense of interdependence.Jennifer Abrams: OK.So her participation really does bring-- it has an impact.And it's bringing down the ability for all of usto team together.Maile: Right.Because we monitor our states of mind and really think about,how do we--Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: If we don't monitor each other

    • 04:30

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: and support each other this way in a way that's honest, thenwhat are we doing, right?Jennifer Abrams: It makes sense, OK.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: That's good.As long as she understands the words,and it sounds like you live by understanding the statesof mind and cognitive coaching and in-depth skills,then she's going to get--Maile: Oh yeah, she's--Jennifer Abrams: She's hooked in.Maile: Right.RightJennifer Abrams: When you want to admitthat you're also a piece to the puzzle,

    • 04:50

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: how do you want to phrase that?Maile: Oh, uh, I know that I could be a diva.I know I need a Snickers bar every once in a while.And so that it's part of that discomfort during this change,right?And without having clarity about our roles,

    • 05:12

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: there are things that I'm doing that are outward,you know, like acting out and I'm being a baby about--Jennifer Abrams: OK.And so you also are having your own feelings about it,and I love that you just said, I can be a diva too.I don't necessarily love everythingthat this change is making.And to own that, and that part, I think,will make it-- It'll humanize the whole situation.Maile: But just when you said that,

    • 05:33

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: oh, she's going to get mad.She doesn't want to be called a diva.Even though I'm saying, I'm--Jennifer Abrams: Oh, OK.So then we can't use diva that willbe a trigger even though you're not talking about her.OK.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: So you'll say, Iknow I also can have my feelings.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: Or something.Maile: So I know that.Jennifer Abrams: I would think diva would be a trigger word.

    • 05:53

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Maile: Yeah, you know, just when you said it I was like, ew,she's not going to like that.Jennifer Abrams: But you said it, that's why I said it.Maile: Yeah, right.I Know.So thank you for that.I can--Jennifer Abrams: I can have my own moments.I don't know, is moment better than diva?Maile: Yeah.Yeah, because it's not as--Jennifer Abrams: Divaish.Maile: Yeah.

    • 06:13

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Yeah, right.It's more charged, like you said earlier.Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: Have my moments, right.Jennifer Abrams: And has it been challenging for you.Maile: Oh yeah.Jennifer Abrams: So that she can see the inner-workingsof her colleague and how it hasn't beenthe easiest transition for you.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: And--Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: And I say "and" because there still

    • 06:35

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: needs to be a request for action on your end on her part.So that's the next section.Maile: One thing I wish is that we reallysupport each other in our groups interdependence.Jennifer Abrams: OK.One thing you would want is that we would support each other.OK, it's really global.If she would understand what that meant.Maile: Right, because we said it over here is

    • 06:57

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: that we have low interdependence,and so I'm going back to--Jennifer Abrams: And she has those three things.She's not showing a blunt, she's not doing this,she's not doing that.OK.Maile: And those are all examples of--Jennifer Abrams: Mm-hmm.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: And so you want her to be more with the band.Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: OK.Now you can say to her, and so what's going on with that.So would you say, what's going on?

    • 07:17

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Maile: Yeah.Or I would say, what's up.Jennifer Abrams: You would say what's up, OK.Maile: Yeah.Jennifer Abrams: I love it.It's moving from very serious, formal stuffback into-- because you kind of go back and forth with this,which is exactly your identity with her.It's two sides.Maile: Because when you said that because at lunchit's all personal.At lunch we do talk about work, and so when we get back

    • 07:38

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: to work, we feel like we're continuing a conversation,and so she missed part of it.And so, like, sometimes we're good at, oh yeah,at lunch we talked about, da, da, da, da.This is why our thinking is here,sometimes they don't do that.And we just keep going forward where the movie ended, right?Jennifer Abrams: And she's not there.So the wish to resolve the issue is,

    • 07:59

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: I really want to support you to be with the band goingto lunch with us because we are constantly doing the work,and we want to be with us all the timedoing the stuff with us, something like that.Let's look at it.Maile: Da, da, da, da.You're my friend and colleague.I care about you and our work together for students.We have to talk.Jennifer Abrams: What do you think about that?Maile: No, that's good.

    • 08:19

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: But this part sounds repetitious, right?Jennifer Abrams: Oh.

    • 08:22

      SPEAKER 2: So let's chat about us as rock stars, right?Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: And that we're part of a new team.Team Kid has changed a little bit.And the band is really important to me,and I know it's important to you because we work togetheras a system.Jennifer Abrams: OK, and so I wantto talk to you about being in the band.

    • 08:43

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Maile: Right.Jennifer Abrams: OK.Maile: And so, some examples, engage participation.You're there at every meaning.It's your voice, I'm not hearing it, and you're so smart, right?Jennifer Abrams: Mm-hmm.Maile: And social times, it's like,I feel like when we choose a place you like,you're there, which is great.The thing is we all have different placesor we bring our lunches too, so we're not always

    • 09:05

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: spending money.Jennifer Abrams: Mm-hmm.Maile: And then space.You know, some of us are feeling like,well I'm particularly feeling like, you have a lot of spaceand others have a drawer.And it's not fair.Because you're not doing these things,our interdependence, I feel, is really low.

    • 09:26

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: And it's hard to move forward unless we're a strong team.And I know I have my moments, and I'm working, you know,struggling through this change, just like you are.The thing that I wish for us is that our groupis strong, and so just wondering about that.What's up?

    • 09:46

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: Jennifer Abrams: Just wondering about that.What's up.Maile: What's up.Jennifer Abrams: What's up, girlfriend.So you know, we get the choreography.We get the language down.But how do you kind of like the--Maile: Yeah, when I do these, I put it on an index card,so that I can see it in one place.I know this is our tool, so we can think through it.

    • 10:07

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: And I also know, going back to the beginningof our conversation, that if I stumble on some words,it's not about the words, it's about the intention.The intention is, you're my friend, you're my colleague,and the team's not right without you fully there.And so something's going on.Like that's--Jennifer Abrams: That sounds like a good start.I like it.We're going to have this conversation,

    • 10:27

      SPEAKER 2 [continued]: and we're going to get back togetherand we're going to do it on Skype.Maile: Perfect.Jennifer Abrams: And we'll check in and see how it was, OK?Maile: Yep.Jennifer Abrams: All right.Maile: Thank you.Jennifer Abrams: You're welcome.[MUSIC PLAYING]

A Coordinator's Case Study - scripting

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Communications professional Jennifer Abrams helps teacher Maile prepare the script for a hard conversation she must have with a friend and team member at work.

A Coordinator's Case Study - scripting

Communications professional Jennifer Abrams helps teacher Maile prepare the script for a hard conversation she must have with a friend and team member at work.

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