The Compass of Friendship: Narratives, Identities, and Dialogues
Publication Year: 2009
Congratulations to William K. Rawlins, winner of the David R. Maines Narrative Research Award for The Compass of Friendship to be presented at NCA 2009 during the Ethnography Division Business Meeting
“The book is a valuable addition to the literature on friendship. Faculty who teach relationship development will find useful material for themselves and their students. Relationship researchers will find dozens of possible studies in these pages. Finally, any thoughtful person interested in relationship quality could profit from reading this interesting treatment of one of life's most valuable attributes—our friends.” - Phil Backlund, University of Denver
Exploring how friends use dialogue and storytelling to construct identities, deal with differences, make choices, and build inclusive communities, The Compass of Friendship examines communication dialectically across private, personal friendships as ...
- Front Matter
- Back Matter
- Subject Index
- Chapter 1: Introduction: Living Friendship
- Chapter 2: Making Choices as Communicators: Similarity, Difference, Individuation, and Participation
- Perceiving Similarities and Differences
- Negotiating Contexts, Making Choices, and Creating Meanings
- Constructing Similarities and Differences of Self and others
- Achieving and (Mis)Perceiving Identities Through the Dialectic of Individuation and Participation
- Categories and Identity Construction
- Modes of the Dialectic of Individuation and Participation
- Chapter 3: Communicating Friendship: A Dialogue of Narratives and a Narrative of Dialogues
- Storytelling between Friends
- Practicing Dialogue between Friends
- Narratives, Dialogues, and Friendships
- Interweaving Narrative and Dialogue in Discourses of Friendship
- Chapter 4: Making Meanings with Friends: Two Women's Storytelling and Dialogue
- Beginning the Conversation and the Story of Karen and Chris's Friendship
- Narrating Diverging Life Paths
- Sharing Stories of Divorces and Traveling Together
- Side Two of the Tape—Conversing about Pets and Policies
- Performing a Dialogue of Narratives about Conjunctive Freedoms
- Interweaving Narratives and Dialogue in the Talk of Two Friends
- Chapter 5: Talking with College Students about Frontiers and Frustrations of Cross-Sex Friendships
- Debating Cross-Sex Friendship
- Differences between Females and Males That Enhance Cross-Sex Friendships
- Differences between Females and Males That Undermine Cross-Sex Friendships
- Mutually Defined Boundaries and Common Interests Facilitating Cross-Sex Friendships
- Desire and Inevitable Sexual Tensions Overcoming Spoken Definitions of Cross-Sex Friendships
- Other Relationships and Social Conditions That Facilitate Cross-Sex Friendships
- Other Relationships and Social Conditions That Subvert Cross-Sex Friendships
- Addressing Students' Positions on Cross-Sex Friendship
- Sexism, Gendered Performances, Sexual Identities, and Cross-Sex Friendships
- The Comparative Significance of Friendship and Romantic Love
- Chapter 6: Pursuing Cross-Race Friendships in Personal, Sociocultural, and Historical Contexts
- Constrained Cross-Race Friendship
- Blacks and Whites Engaging in Friendships: Asymmetrical Challenges and Edifying Practices
- Recognizing Meaningfully Whole Persons and Contingent Identities
- Accomplishing Cross-Race Friendship
- Nathan's Story
- Felmonia and Tina
- Brad and Tyrone
- Making Choices, Learning Lessons, and Serving Social Becoming Through Cross-Race Friendships
- Chapter 7: Embracing Ethical and Political Potentials of Friendship
- Ethical Practices of Friendships
- Political Practices of Friendships
- Friendships and Social Change
- Limitations of Political Friendships
- Chapter 8: The Compass of Friendship
[Page ii]For my Dad and Mom, Jack and June Rawlins, during their 65th year of marriage. “I hope I've learned some things they've been teaching.”
Copyright © 2009 by SAGE Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
SAGE Publications, Inc.
2455 Teller Road
Thousand Oaks, California 91320
SAGE Publications Ltd.
1 Oliver's Yard
55 City Road
London EC1Y 1SP
SAGE Publications India Pvt. Ltd.
B 1/I 1 Mohan Cooperative Industrial Area
Mathura Road, New Delhi 110 044 India
SAGE Publications Asia-Pacific Pte. Ltd.
33 Pekin Street #02-01
Far East Square
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Rawlins, William K., 1952-
The compass of friendship: Narratives, identities, and dialogues/William K. Rawlins.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4129-5296-5 (cloth)
ISBN 978-1-4129-5297-2 (pbk.)
1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Friendship. 3. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.
Printed on acid-free paper
08 09 10 11 12 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Acquiring Editor: Todd R. Armstrong
Editorial Assistant: Aja Baker
Production Editor: Sarah K. Quesenberry
Copy Editor: Teresa Wilson
Proofreader: Sally Jaskold
Indexer: Michael Ferreira
Typesetter: C&M Digitals (P) Ltd.
Cover Designer: Edgar Abarca
Marketing Manager: Carmel Schrire
What does it mean to speak and act as friends? How does friendship serve our well-being and identities as individuals and as members of various communities? To me these are fundamental questions. They call to mind the ethical spirit, practical flexibility, everyday enjoyment, and political significance of friendship. Accordingly, this book explores enduring ideals, concrete practices, and contextual demands of communicating as friends. It examines the potential contributions of friendship to the well-lived life across private and public contexts.
We can pursue friendship as a freestanding bond or as a dimension of other relationships. It intrigues me as a communication scholar that our friendships primarily continue to the extent that we meet the negotiated expectations of our relationships. Institutional, religious, and legal sanctions or familial bonds typically do not preserve friendships (Paine, 1969). Even if external forces compel interaction between persons, friendship cannot be coerced. Within the constraints of our social situations, our friendships are voluntary relations, which either party can unilaterally terminate. Sustaining friendships requires us to communicate in mutually worthwhile ways.
Despite their voluntary basis, material circumstances and cultural discourses condition our possibilities for friendships. This book argues that friendship offers edifying practices for addressing significant contingencies of social life. I begin with the dynamic tensions of similarity and difference composing our identities as selves and others. I further probe quandaries arising from our simultaneous needs for individual affirmation and belonging to groups. Throughout the book I emphasize the capacities of communicating in a spirit of friendship for making choices with others. I describe in depth how friends interweave dialogue and narrative in their communication. The book then demonstrates these conceptual advances across chapters devoted to actual conversation [Page x]between friends, student discussions of cross-sex friendships, narratives of cross-race friendships, and the ethical and political potentials of friendships.
Using an array of stories and examples, I encourage readers to connect the issues at stake with their own lives. I hope readers will see their own identities and friendships as negotiated through storytelling and dialogues accomplished with others though subject to assorted constraints. I want to show how friendship presents us with moments of significant choice in shaping our selves, other persons, relationships, and communities. Thus, the book investigates the degree to which people have a say in shaping the events and quality of their lives with others.
The topic of friendship has steadily attracted greater interest both inside and outside of the academy over the past few decades. Even so, I know of no other book presently that addresses the configuration of issues examined here. The primary audience for this volume is persons seeking to understand resources and challenges of communicating as personal and political friends. I want the book to speak to a concerned, broadly educated, general reading public. I also believe professional scholars, teachers, and undergraduate and graduate students across a variety of fields such as communication, sociology, psychology, women's studies, human development, organizational studies, and education will find much of interest here. The book will be especially useful for scholars focusing on interpersonal and relational communication, social and personal relationships, friendship communication, dialogue studies, community building, and the social construction of identities. I write for a broad audience that spans disciplines with specific interests in friendships emphasizing face-to-face interactions. I acknowledge the widespread and proliferating use of communication technologies by persons who can afford and choose to employ them to supplement co-present interaction with friends and to develop virtual friendships. However, those practices for enacting friendships I leave to other scholars to study.
I would like to thank several people for their contributions to this work. First, I am always grateful for the opportunity to learn with undergraduate and graduate students. Undergraduates embody hope for me. Among other blessings, engaging with their candid insights over the last 15 years enlivens the treatment of cross-sex friendship in Chapter 5. Discussing questions and contentions with graduate students in my seminars on communication and friendship, dialogue and experience, and communication and narrative at Purdue University and at Ohio University has helped test and vivify ideas presented here. I appreciate Kenny Sibal's assistance with the references. I [Page xi]thank Karen and Chris for taping and sharing their conversation with me discussed in Chapter 4. I thank my friend, the late Cindy Marshall, for arranging their participation. I miss her thoughtful support, hearty laugh, and love of learning.
I thank Tom Berndt for his keen conversations and, as head of the Department of Psychological Sciences at Purdue, for providing me with office space to begin work on this book during my spring 2002 sabbatical. I thank Siv Fischbein and Cissi Olsson for inviting me to explore my ideas on friendship and learning at the Stockholm Institute of Education during October of 2006. I am grateful to Claudia Hale, Director of the School of Communication Studies at Ohio University, for providing time during the winter quarter of 2008 to complete the work.
I celebrate Margaret Seawell's encouragement early on to follow my lights in writing this book, Todd Armstrong's perceptive advice throughout the process, and Aja Baker's and Sarah Quesenberry's able assistance. I heartily thank the reviewers of this manuscript for their careful work and helpful comments: Austin S. Babrow (Ohio University), Arthur P. Bochner (University of South Florida), Jim DiSanza (Idaho State University), Elaine Bass Jenks (West Chester University), Christopher N. Poulos (University of North Carolina at Greensboro), Debra-L Sequeira (Seattle Pacific University), and Kathy Werking (University of Louisville).
I value the timely sentiments and beneficial insights of persons too numerous to mention who have talked with and supported me throughout the writing of this book. I am grateful to Dana Cloud for her generous and perceptive commentary on Chapter 5. I thank J. W. Smith for his valuable input on Chapter 6. I came to Athens to write this book, and I have much enjoyed the welcoming and collaborative environment I experience with my colleagues at Ohio University's School of Communication Studies. My friendship, teaching together, and zestful conversations with Greg Shepherd, Raymie McKerrow, Lynn Harter, and Scott Titsworth have continually provided spirited, scholarly interaction and, with Mary Shepherd, Gayle McKerrow, and Sandy Rawlins, many good times.
I especially thank Ed Shockley, my brothers Rocky, Ron, and Terry, and their families, J. R. and Laura Rawlins, Nancy Pollitt, and the memory of Jack Pollitt. I deeply appreciate the editorial skill, teaching acumen, and dedication to communication theory that Lainey Jenks contributed in carefully perusing this entire manuscript. It is a better book for her efforts.
I've written this book in the first home office I've ever had. This is because for many years I wanted to enjoy fully my time at home with Sandy, and our two children, Brian and Shelley, when they were [Page xii]younger and still lived with us. Now that they're out making their way in the world, I've appreciated Brian's encouragement and phone calls about “the new book.” I've also enjoyed Shelley's support and her sharing readings with me. My wife, Sandy, outdid herself once more as my writing teacher. With consummate care she transformed my words from dense to danceable. She's a great bench coach who knows when to “take it to the house” and when to call time out and go for a walk. She shared grace, wisdom, and love with me during the times this book was written out on the ridge. It's time now to enjoy together some of the songs begun while writing this book.—Shade, Ohio
References[Page 215]1982). Sex differences in attributions for friendly behavior: Do males misperceive females' friendliness?Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 42, 830–838. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3522.214.171.1240(1983). “Sisters” or “comrades”? The politics of friends and families. In I.Diamond (Ed.), Politics and public policy (pp. 339–356). New York: Longman.(1998). Placing friendship in context. New York: Cambridge University Press., & (2000). On being “just friends”: The frequency and impact of sexual activity in cross-sex friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 205–222. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407500172003, & (1979). A sociology of friendship and kinship. London: Allen and Unwin.(2004). “Getting off” and “going out”: Young people's conceptions of (hetero)sexual relationships. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 6, 463–481. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/13691050410001694325(1987). The meaning, value, and duties of friendship. American Philosophical Quarterly, 24, 349–356.(1958). The human condition. New York: Vintage Books.(1968). Men in dark times. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.(Aristotle. (1980). The Nicomachean ethics (D.Ross, Trans.). Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.1995). Through the narrow pass: Experiencing same-sex friendship in heterosexual(ist) settings. Communication Studies, 46, 234–244. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10510979509368454(1997). Nice story, but so what? Narrative and justification in ethics. In H. L.Nelson (Ed.), Stories and their limits: Narrative approaches to ethics (pp. 65–88). New York: Routledge.(2003). The racial foundations of organizational communication. Communication Theory, 13, 5–38. http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/ct/13.1.5, & (1981). The dialogic imagination: Four essays. Austin: University of Texas Press.(1990). Art and answerability: Early philosophical works by M. M. Bakhtin (M.Holquist & V.Liapunov, Eds.; V.Liapunov, Trans.). Austin: University of Texas Press.([Page 216]1993). Toward a philosophy of the act (V.Liapunov & M.Holquist, Eds.; V.Liapunov, Trans.). Austin: University of Texas Press.(1998). Autobiography: Narrative of transformation. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press.(1958). Naven. Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.(1972). Steps to an ecology of mind. New York: Ballantine Books.(1979). Mind and nature: A necessary unity. New York: E. P. Dutton.(1983). Political judgment. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.(1995). Feminism and postmodernism: An uneasy alliance. In S.Benhabib, J.Butler, D.Cornell, & N.Fraser (Eds.), Feminist contentions: A philosophical exchange (pp. 17–34). New York: Routledge.(1966). The social construction of reality. Garden City, NY: Doubleday., & (1969). Four essays on liberty. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.(2008). Deliberation, storytelling, and dialogic moments. Communication Theory, 18, 93–116. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2007.00315.x(1980). Friendship, altruism and morality. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul.(1994). Perspectives on inquiry II: Theories and stories. In M. L.Knapp & G. R.Miller (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal communication ((2nd ed., pp. 21–41). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.2000). “I'm not racist but…”: Mapping white college students' racial ideology in the USA. Discourse & Society, 11, 50–85. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0957926500011001003, & (1988). The company we keep: An ethics of fiction. Berkeley: University of California Press.(1976). Friends and lovers. New York: Basic Books.(1996). The culture of education. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.(2002). Making stories: Law, literature, life. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.(1937). I and thou (R. G.Smith, Trans.). Edinburgh: T. & T. Clark.(1956). The knowledge of man: A philosophy of the interhuman. New York: Harper and Row.(1957). Distance and relation. Psychiatry, 20, 97–104.(1970). I and thou (W.Kaufmann, Trans.). New York: Touchstone.(1996). Friendship and morality: (How) are they related? In W. M.Bukowski, A. F.Newcomb, & W. W.Hartup (Eds.), The company they keep: Friendship in childhood and adolescence (pp. 238–261). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press., & (1992). Dialogue in teaching: Theory and practice. New York: Teachers College Press.(1966). Language as symbolic action: Essays on life, literature, and method. Berkeley: University of California Press.(1968). Counter-statement. Berkeley: University of California Press. (Original work published 1931)([Page 217]1969). A rhetoric of motives. Berkeley: University of California Press.(1977). From system to story: An alternative pattern for rationality in ethics. In H. T.Engelhardt, Jr., & D.Callahan (Eds.), Knowledge, value and belief (pp. 11–152). New York: The Hastings Center., & (1990). Gender trouble. New York: Routledge.(1995). Contingent foundations: Feminism and the question of “postmodernism.” In S.Benhabib, J.Butler, D.Cornell, & N.Fraser (Eds.), Feminist connections: A philosophical exchange (pp. 35–57). New York: Routledge.(1986). Time, narrative, and history. Bloomington: Indiana University Press.(1979). Mandarins in a farther field. In Testimony and Demeanor (pp. 29–52). New York: Knopf.(2002). Moments of meeting: Buber, Rogers, and the potential for public dialogue. Albany: State University of New York Press., & (1995). Why lovers can't be friends. In R. M.Stewart (Ed.), Philosophical perspectives on sex and love (pp. 295–299). New York: Oxford University Press.(1993). The big picture: Masculinities in recent world history. Theory and Society, 22, 597–623. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/BF00993538(1980). Aristotle on friendship. In A. O.Rorty (Ed.), Essays on Aristotle's ethics (pp. 301–340). Berkeley: University of California Press.(1986). Storytime: Recollecting the past and projecting the future. In T. R.Sarbin (Ed.), Narrative psychology: The storied nature of human conduct (pp. 152–173). New York: Praeger.(2000). Negotiating from the inside: Constructing racial and ethnic identity in qualitative research. Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 29, 268–290. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/089124100129023918(1995). The trouble with friendship: Why Americans can't think straight about race. New York: Atlantic Monthly Press.(2001). Friendship and politics: Ancient and American. In P. D.Bathory & N. L.Schwartz (Eds.), Friends and citizens: Essays in honor of Wilson Carey McWilliams (pp. 47–66). New York: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.(1988). Context and thought. In L. A.Hickman & T. M.Alexander (Eds.), The essential Dewey: Vol. 1. Pragmatism, education and democracy (pp. 206–216). Bloomington: Indiana University Press. (Original work published 1931)(1983). Race, class, and gender: Prospects for an all-inclusive sisterhood. Feminist Studies, 9, 131–150. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/3177687(1995). On friendship in “dark times.” In B.Honig (Ed.), Feminist interpretations of Hannah Arendt (pp. 285–311). University Park: Pennsylvania State University Press.(1997). The souls of black folk (D. W.Blight & R.Gooding-Williams, Eds.). Boston: Bedford Books. (Original work published 1903)([Page 218]1988). Friendship and fairness: How disability affects friendship between women. In M.Fine & A.Asch (Eds.), Women with disabilities: Essays in psychology, culture, and politics (pp. 172–194). Philadelphia: Temple University Press., & (1995). Beyond persuasion: A proposal for an invitational rhetoric. Communication Monographs, 62, 2–18. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/03637759509376345, & (1970). The order of things: An archaeology of the human sciences. New York: Vintage Books.(1972). The archaeology of knowledge and the discourse on language (A. M. SmithSheridan, Trans.). New York: Pantheon Press.(1995). The wounded storyteller: Body, illness, and ethics. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.(1997). Enacting illness stories: When, what, and why. In H. L.Nelson (Ed.), Stories and their limits: Narrative approaches to ethics (pp. 31–49). New York: Routledge.(2002). Why study people's stories? The dialogical ethics of narrative analysis. International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 1, 1–20.(1993). White women, race matters: The social construction of whiteness. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.(1976). The lawyer as friend: The moral foundations of the lawyer–client relation. The Yale Law Journal, 85, 1060–1089. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/795584(1992). What are friends for? Feminist perspectives on personal relationships and moral theory. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.(1995). Beyond white and other: Relationality and narratives of race in feminist discourse. Signs, 21, 1–49. http://dx.doi.org/10.1086/495041(1989). Truth and method (Rev. ed., J.Weinsheimer & D. G.Marshall, Trans.). New York: Continuum.(1985). The end of culture: Towards a generative anthropology. Berkeley: University of California Press.(2006). Narratives in action. Narrative Inquiry, 16, 112–121. http://dx.doi.org/10.1075/ni.16.1.15ger, & (1979). Central problems in sociological theory: Action, structure and contradiction in social analysis. Berkeley: University of California Press.(2003). Choosing our friends: Moral partiality and the value of diversity. Journal of Social Philosophy, 34, 400–413. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/1467-9833.00190(1959). The presentation of self in everyday life. New York: Doubleday Anchor.(1973). The strength of weak ties. American Journal of Sociology, 78, 1360–1380. http://dx.doi.org/10.1086/225469(1988). The dialectic of freedom. New York: Teachers College Press.(1965). Love and marriage in modern America: A functional analysis. The Sociological Quarterly, 6, 361–377. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1533-8525.1965.tb01670.x(2004). Friendship between gay men and heterosexual women: An interpretive phenomenological analysis. London: London South Bank University.(2003). Friendship: Liberty, equality, and utility. Albany: State University of New York Press.([Page 219]1989). The power of not understanding: The meeting of conflicting identities. Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, 25, 161–171. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0021886389252006(1963). Strategies of psychotherapy. New York: Grune and Stratton.(2005). The stories we tell: The lives and friendship of two older black lesbians. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 29, 177–187. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2005.00180.x, & (2000). Civic friendship: An Aristotelian perspective. In L.Cuban & D.Shipps (Eds.), Reconstructing the common good in education: Coping with intractable American dilemmas (pp. 174–185). Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.(1990). The ethnographic present: A reinvention. Cultural Anthropology, 5, 45–61. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/can.1990.5.1.02a00030(1965). Pathways to madness. New York: Vintage Books.(2004). Deaths: Leading causes for 2004 [National Vital Statistics Reports No. 56(5)]. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics.(1972). Friendship. In M. W.Riley, M.Johnson, & A.Foner (Eds.), Aging and society: A sociology of age stratification (Vol. 4, pp. 357–393). New York: Russell Sage Foundation.(1990). Dialogism: Bakhtin and his world. London: Routledge. http://dx.doi.org/10.4324/9780203330340(2005). What's love got to do with it? Exploring the impact of maintenance rules, love attitudes, and network support on friends with benefits relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 69, 49–66. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10570310500034154, , & (1978). Politics as friendship. Waterloo, Ontario: Wilfrid Laurier University Press.(1986). “Some of my best friends are black …”: Interracial friendship and whites' racial attitudes. Public Opinion Quarterly, 50, 459–486. http://dx.doi.org/10.1086/268998, & (2001). The ethics of faculty-student friendships. Teaching Philosophy, 24, 1–18., & (1989). The friendship model: A reply to Illingworth. Bioethics, 3, 142–146. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8519.1989.tb00336.x(1991). Pragmatism. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books.(1972). Victims of groupthink. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.(1981). Common differences: Conflicts in black and white perspectives. Garden City, NY: Anchor Books., & (1999). Diversity, solidarity and civic friendship. The Journal of Political Philosophy, 7, 267–286. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/1467-9760.00077(2002). Sex segregation of friendship networks: Individual and structural determinants of having cross-sex friends. European Sociological Review, 18, 101–117. http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/esr/18.1.101(1969). The life of dialogue. In J. D.Roslansky (Ed.), Communication: A discussion at the Nobel conference (pp. 87–108). Amsterdam: North-Holland.(2005). Imagining citizenship as friendship in The Big Chill. Quarterly Journal of Speech, 91, 423–455. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00335630500488309(2004). Loading up the U-Haul: Traveling the spaces between friends and lovers. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 8, 44–55. http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J155v08n03_09([Page 220]1992). The text as thou: Martin Buber's dialogical hermeneutics and narrative theology. Bloomington: Indiana University Press.(1966). The sense of an ending: Studies in the theory of fiction. London: Oxford University Press.(1979). The genesis of secrecy: On the interpretation of narrative. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.(2004, November 15). The “hookup” defines the wild new world of sex on campus. The Athens News, p. 10.(1998). Rethinking feminist ethics: Care, trust and empathy. London: Routledge.(1996). Amicitia, drujba, shin-yu, philia, freundschaft, friendship: On the cultural diversity of a human relationship. In W. M.Bukowski, A. F.Newcomb, & W. W.Hartup (Eds.), The company they keep: Friendship in childhood and adolescence (pp. 19–40). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.(1968). The politics of experience. New York: Pantheon.(1969). Self and others. Middlesex, UK: Penguin.(1972). The politics of the family. New York: Vintage.(2003). Pluralistic ignorance and hooking up. The Journal of Sex Research, 40, 129–133. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224490309552174, , & (1969). Totality and infinity: An essay on exteriority (A.Lingis, Trans.). Pittsburgh, PA: Duquesne University Press.(1960). The four loves. New York: Harcourt Brace & Company.(1978). Emotional intimacy among men. Journal of Social Issues, 34, 108–121. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-4560.1978.tb02543.x(1981). Friends as family: New kinds of families and what they could mean for you. Boston: Beacon Press.(1984). Sister outsider. Trumansburg, NY: The Crossing Press Feminist Series.(1987). Collaboration and compromise: The fine art of writing with a friend. In T.Waldrep (Ed.), Writers on writing (pp. 121–127). New York: Random House., & (1984). After virtue: A study in moral theory ((2nd ed.). South Bend, IN: University of Notre Dame Press.1982). A cultural approach to male-female miscommunication. In J.Gumperz (Ed.), Language and social identity (pp. 196–216). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press., & (1975). The limits of friendship. In J. R.Pennock & J. W.Chapman (Eds.), Participation in politics (pp. 246–275). New York: Lieber-Atherton.(2002). Embers (C. B.Janeway, Trans.). New York: Vintage. (Original work published 1942)(2000). Phenomenology of Chicana experience and identity: Communication and transformation in praxis. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.([Page 221]1967). The sin against the friend: Betrayal. Cross Currents, 17, 158–170.(1994). Makes me wanna holler: A young black man in America. New York: Random House.(1998). Black and white women as friends: Building cross-race friendships. Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.(2001). Defining (hetero)sex: How imperative is the coital imperative?Women's Studies International Forum, 24, 229–240. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0277-5395%2801%2900160-1, , & (1934). Mind, self, and society. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.(1981). Friendship: A study in theological ethics. Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press.(1982). Exchange and communal relationships. In L.Wheeler (Ed.), Review of personality and social psychology (Vol. 3, pp. 121–144). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage., & (1970). History and fiction as modes of comprehension. New Literary History, 1, 541–558. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/468271(2002). Women and men as friends: Relationships across the life span in the 21st century. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.(1978). Male homophobia. Journal of Social Issues, 34, 29–47. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-4560.1978.tb02539.x, & (1983). Recitatif. In A.Baraka & A.Baraka (Eds.), Confirmation: An anthology of African American women (pp. 243–261). New York: William Morrow & Company.(1989). Rethinking Bakhtin: Extensions and challenges. Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press., & (1998). Friendship's eu-topia. South Atlantic Quarterly, 97, 169–185.(1958). Friendship and acquaintances: An exploration of some social distinctions. Harvard Educational Review, 28, 232–252.(1992). Sex, friendship, and gender roles among gay men. In P. M.Nardi (Ed.), Men's friendships (pp. 173–184). Newbury Park, CA: Sage.(1999). Gay men's friendships: Invincible communities. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.(1991). Etta Mae Johnson. In S.Konnelman (Ed.), Women's friendships: A collection of short stories (pp. 218–233). Norman: University of Oklahoma Press.(1993). La Zandunga: Offieldwork and friendship in southern Mexico. Prospect Heights, IL: Waveland Press.(1995). Introduction. In S.Benhabib, J.Butler, D.Cornell, & N.Fraser (Eds.), Feminist connections: A philosophical exchange (pp. 1–16). New York: Routledge.(2007, November 13). Racial income gap gets wider: 3-decade study shows blacks slip farther behind. The Columbus Dispatch, pp. A1, A4.(1989). Best friends and marriage: Exchange among women. Berkeley: University of California Press.([Page 222]1969). In search of friendship: An exploratory analysis in “middle-class” culture. Man, 4, 505–524. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/2798192(1994). Political friendship. In L. S.Rouner (Ed.), The changing face of friendship (pp. 197–182). Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press.(2004). Truth and beauty: A friendship. New York: Perennial.(2002). The casualties of “casual sex”: A qualitative exploration of the phenomenology of college students' hookups. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19, 639–661. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407502195006, & (2000). “Hookups”: Characteristics and correlates of college students' spontaneous and anonymous sexual experiences. The Journal of Sex Research, 37, 76–88. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224490009552023, , & (2001). Delineating differences: Sub-communities in the San Francisco gay community. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 3, 183–201. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/136910501750153003, , , & (2006). The performance turn in narrative studies. Narrative Inquiry, 16, 173–180. http://dx.doi.org/10.1075/ni.16.1.22pet, & (1954). Self, society, and existence: Human nature and dialogue in the thought of George Herbert Mead and Martin Buber. New York: Harper Torchbooks.(2000). Bowling alone. New York: Simon & Schuster.(1970). Friendship: A fundamental description of its subjective dimension. Humanitas, 6, 161–176.(1963). On friendship. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 11, 3–54. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/000306516301100101(1979). A developmental and dialectical analysis of communication in friendship. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the International Communication Association Convention, Philadelphia, PA.(1982). Cross-sex friendship and the communicative management of sex-role expectations. Communication Quarterly, 30, 343–352. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/01463378209369470(1983a). Individual responsibility in relational communication. In M.Mander (Ed.), Communications in transition (pp. 152–167). New York: Praeger.(1983b). Negotiating close friendships: The dialectic of conjunctive freedoms. Human Communication Research, 9, 255–266. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1983.tb00698.x(1983c). Openness as problematic in ongoing friendships: Two conversational dilemmas. Communication Monographs, 50, 1–13. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/03637758309390150(1987). Gregory Bateson and the composition of human communication. Research on Language and Social Interaction, 20, 53–77. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/08351818709389275(1989a). A dialectical analysis of the tensions, functions and strategic challenges of communication in young adult friendships. In J. A.Anderson (Ed.), Communication Yearbook 12 (pp. 157–189). Newbury, CA: Sage.(1989b). Cultural double agency and the pursuit of friendship. Cultural Dynamics, 2, 28–40. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/092137408900200103([Page 223]1992). Friendship matters: Communication, dialectics, and the life course. Hawthorne, NY: Aldine de Gruyter.(1994). Being there and growing apart: Sustaining friendships during adulthood. In D. J.Canary & L.Stafford (Eds.), Communication and relational maintenance (pp. 275–294). San Diego, CA: Academic Press.(1998a). Making meanings with friends. In R. L.Conville & E.Rogers (Eds.), The meaning of “relationship” in interpersonal communication (pp. 149–169). Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers.(1998b). Writing about friendship matters: A case study in dialectical and dialogical inquiry. In B.Montgomery & L.Baxter (Eds.), Dialectical Approaches to Studying Personal Relationships (pp. 63–81). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.(2000). Teaching as a mode of friendship. Communication Theory, 10, 5–26. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2000.tb00176.x(2003). Hearing voices/learning questions. In R. P.Clair (Ed.), Expressions of Ethnography (pp. 119–125). Albany: State University of New York Press.(2007). Living scholarship: A field report. Communication Methods and Measures, 1, 55–63. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/19312450709336662(2005). Advising as friendship. NACADA Journal, 25, 10–19., & (1996). A critical look at gender difference in communication research. Communication Studies, 47, 318–330. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10510979609368486(2000). “I like you … as a friend”: The role of attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 329–348. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407500173002(1981). The narrative function. In J. B.Thompson (Ed. & Trans.), Hermeneutics and the human sciences (pp. 274–305). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.(1992). Oneself as another (K.Blamey, Trans.). Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.(1980). On “meanings” of acts and what is meant and made known by what is said in a pluralistic social world. In M.Brenner (Ed.), The structure of action (pp. 108–149). Oxford, UK: Basil Blackwell.(2000). Heterosexism and the study of women's romantic and friend relationships. Journal of Social Issues, 56, 315–328. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00168(2001). An uncommon friendship. Berkeley: University of California Press., & (with ). (1999). The work of friendship: Rorty, his critics, and the project of solidarity. Albany: State University of New York Press.(1985). Just friends: The role of friendship in our lives. New York: Harper and Row.(1951). Communication: The social matrix of psychiatry. New York: Norton., & (1948). Anti-Semite and Jew. New York: Schocken Books.([Page 224]1970). Interactional relationships. In H. R.Wagner (Ed.), Alfred Schutz on phenomenology and social relations (pp. 163–199). Chicago: University of Chicago Press.(1998). Creating partnerships for change: Alliances and betrayals in the racial politics of two feminist organizations. Gender & Society, 12, 400–423. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/089124398012004003(Shifting attitudes: Survey results point to growing income-based division among blacks. (2007, November 21). The Columbus Dispatch, p. 10A.1986). Women's interracial friendships. Women's Studies Quarterly, 14, 13–16., & (1978). The politics of social knowledge. University Park: Pennsylvania State University Press.(2000). Dialogue as tensional, ethical practice. Southern Communication Journal, 65, 224–242. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10417940009373169, & (1970). Friendship as a social institution. In G. J.McCall, M.McCall, N. K.Denzin, G. D.Suttles, & S.Kurth (Eds.), Social relationships (pp. 95–135). Chicago: Aldine.(1992). The public and private in Aristotle's philosophy. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.(1977). Interpretation and the sciences of man. In F. R.Dallmayr & T. A.McCarthy (Eds.), Understanding and social inquiry (pp. 101–131). Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press.(1989). Living morally: A psychology of moral character. Philadelphia: Temple University Press.(2001). Between gay and straight: Understanding friendship across sexual orientation. Walnut Creek, CA: Altamira Press.(2003). Friendship as method. Qualitative Inquiry, 9, 729–749. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1077800403254894(1984). Mikhail Bakhtin: The dialogical principle. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.(2000). Outsiders inside: Positive marginality and social change. Journal of Social Issues, 56, 163–179. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00158(1982). The role of friendship in the development and maintenance of lesbian love relationships. Journal of Homosexuality, 8, 51–65. http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J082v08n02_07(2003). Army of roses: Inside the world of Palestinian women suicide bombers. New York: St. Martin's Press.(1976). Beginnings in relational communication. New York: John Wiley & Sons., & (1994). “I'm not friends the way she's friends”: Ideological and behavioral constructions of masculinity in men's friendships. Masculinities, 2, 38–55.(1997). We're just good friends: Women and men in nonromantic relationships. New York: The Guilford Press.(1987). Doing gender. Gender & Society, 1, 125–151. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0891243287001002002, & (2006). “You've got a friend”: African American men's cross-sex feminist friendships and their influence on perceptions of masculinity and women. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23, 523–542. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407506065982([Page 225]1983). Paradise found: Gay men have discovered that there is friendship after sex. Mother Jones, 10–16.(1986). Friendship: Bonds and binds in a voluntary relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 3, 191–211. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407586032005(1992). The straight mind. Boston: Beacon.(1999). Personal relationships: An interdisciplinary approach. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield.(1984). Self-referent motivation and the intrinsic quality of friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1, 115–130. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407584011007([Page 226]
About the Author[Page 235]
William K. Rawlins (PhD, Temple University) is Stocker Professor in the School of Communication Studies at Ohio University. His book, Friendship Matters: Communication, Dialectics, and the Life Course, was selected as an Outstanding Academic Book for 1993 by the editors of Choice, and received the Gerald R. Miller Book Award in 1994 from the Interpersonal and Small Group Interaction Division of the National Communication Association. In 2002 he received The Theory That Has Left a Legacy Award: “The Dialectical Perspective” from the Communication Theory Interest Group of the Central States Communication Association. Over the past 25 years, Professor Rawlins has published extensively about the unique challenges and dialectical tensions of communicating in friendships.
Bill teaches courses in communication in friendships across the life course, interpersonal and relational communication, communication theory, dialogue and experience, interpretive and ethnographic inquiry, communication and narrative, and Gregory Bateson and communication theory. While at Purdue University, he received the W. Charles Redding Award for Excellence in Teaching from the Department of Communication five times, the School of Liberal Arts Departmental Educational Excellence Award for 2000–2001, and the School of Liberal Arts Educational Excellence Award for 2002–2003.[Page 236]