Negotiating and Influencing Skills: The Art of Creating and Claiming Value

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Brad McRae

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  • Dedication

    This book is dedicated to all the peacemakers and peacekeepers in the world, and on a more personal level to my Aunt Irene Wade and to my children, Andrew and Kathryn McRae.

    Copyright

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    Preface

    One of the most useful descriptions of the process of negotiation I have found is that “a negotiation is taking place any time two people are communicating, where one or both parties have a goal in mind.” For example, my wife and I want to go to the movies Saturday night. She wants to see movie “X,” and I want to see movie “Y.” Using this broad definition of negotiating, most of us spend at least 50% of our time negotiating. This is a whopping amount of time.

    If we spend this much time negotiating, why aren't we all better at it? The answer is that most of us have had very little formal training in how to improve our negotiating and influencing skills. The good news is that there are more courses available to the public and to businesses and organizations to improve negotiating skills than there were in the past. Beside the negotiation courses currently offered, many excellent books have been written to help us learn negotiating and influencing skills. However, I feel that there is an area that has not been fully addressed by any of these books. This need could be filled by a text or workbook that would aid you, the reader, in acquiring the skills necessary to be an effective negotiator. How to acquire these skills is the focus of this book.

    The research on transfer of training has found that less than 10% of theory and skills taught in training courses is transferred to the work setting. One would surmise that reading a book—generally speaking, a much more passive approach to learning—would offer much less of an opportunity to transfer the training that one has learned.

    For this reason, the emphasis in this book is on practical application of negotiation skills. This book is designed to be highly interactive. It contains many exercises that have been carefully constructed to help you develop and broaden your negotiation style, to become more flexible and fluid in approach, to try out new strategies and techniques, and to observe the results. By actively involving yourself in these exercises, you can watch your skills improve.

    This book presents a two-step process toward the mastery of negotiating and influencing skills: first, development of skills by means of interactive exercises, and second, transfer of training by applying the negotiating skills you are learning to your life at home and at work.

    Acknowledgments

    Many people have contributed significantly to the creation of this book. Through courses at the Harvard Program on Negotiation, I have been able to learn from Roger Fisher, William Ury, Lawrence Susskind, Bruce Patton, and Jeffrey Rubin, all of whom have influenced my thinking on negotiation more than they will ever know. I also thank my corporate clients. Being able to teach negotiation skills throughout such organizations as Maritime Telephone & Telegraph; Nova Scotia Power Corporation; St. Mary's University at the World Trade Center; LASMO Nova Scotia; Co-Op Atlantic; Michelin Canada; Honda Canada; the governments of Canada, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick; and in the United States, Mexico and Africa provided me with the opportunity to learn about the kinds of negotiations that take place in a number of different institutions and organizations and to learn where the theory of Principled Negotiation works and how it must be modified to meet the specific circumstances of each particular situation.

    I thank my colleagues Claudine Lowry, Carol Hill, Marilyn MacMullin, Mike Whitehouse, and Shauna Shirley for their careful reading of this manuscript and for their insightful suggestions regarding both the context and the style of this book. I also thank Diane Metzger, my office manager and editor, without whose help and encouragement this manuscript would have remained partially written forever.

    Help, help, and more help with my long overdue computer upgrade and translation of the manuscript to a modern word processing program was generously provided by Bruce Whynott, Peter Lynch, and Ho. In turning the manuscript into a book, I was greatly assisted by my editor Marquita Flemming, her assistant Frances Borghi, senior production editor Sanford Robinson, and all the staff at Sage. Their professional guidance and personal encouragement were invaluable.

    Last, I thank my wife, Lynn Crosby, and my children, Andrew and Katie, and our nanny and friend, Marilyn Christie, for their support and understanding throughout the research, writing, and editing and reresearching, rewriting, and reediting of this manuscript.

  • Appendix A: Annotated Bibliography

    Axelrod, R. (1984). The evolution of cooperation. New York: Basic Books.

    This is an academic book about the conditions under which cooperation evolves. It offers valuable insights illustrated by wonderful examples. Among the best is the description about how the English and German armies cooperated to minimize the chance of death and injury to both sides during the trench warfare of World War I—that is, until the generals on both sides put a stop to it. You may find this book somewhat difficult to read in parts; so consider reading only the parts that you find worthwhile.

    Carter, J. (1989). Nasty people: How to stop being hurt by them without becoming one of them. New York: Contemporary Books.

    This is an excellent little book on dealing with difficult people, particularly on how to disarm them.

    Fisher, R., & Brown, S. (1988). Getting together: Building a relationship that gets to yes. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

    This book adds excellent insights on the importance of relationship building to the “Getting to Yes” model. It is available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation Clearinghouse and the Network on Conflict Resolution.

    Fisher, R., & Ury, W. (1981). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. New York: Penguin Books.

    Getting to Yes is the most widely read book on the subject of negotiation. It explains the philosophy behind principle-based/interest-based negotiating. Getting to Yes is a must-read for anyone interested in improving his or her understanding of the negotiating process. The second edition also contains a section on the 10 most frequently asked questions about the “Getting To Yes” approach. This book is available at most bookstores. It can also be ordered through the Harvard Program on Negotiation and the Network on Conflict Resolution.

    Hall, L. (Ed.). (1993). Negotiation: Strategies for mutualgain. Newbury Park: Sage. http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/9781452229096

    Negotiation is a collection of articles by people who have taught at the Harvard Program on Negotiation. The book covers a wide variety of topics from labor management negotiations to resolving environmental disputes. The book is well written and is a good introduction to the 12 authors who have contributed their work. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation)

    Kolb, D., & Associates. (1994). When talk works: Profilesofmediators. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

    This book consists of a series of in-depth interviews with 12 of the world's best mediation practitioners. The fields in which these mediators work is quite broad. Among the areas covered are mediating business disputes, family and divorce mediation, labor grievances, international mediation, and peacemaking in a civil war.

    Each practitioner is asked to describe the type of work they do and how each person developed his or her particular approach to and style of mediation, all of which leads to some very fascinating behind-the-scenes examples. One of the most interesting is reading about how President Carter used his skills in preparation and persuasion in negotiating the Camp David Accord between Israel and Egypt. This book is a must-read for anyone interested in developing insight into the mediation process. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation Clearinghouse)

    Lax, D. A., & Sebenius, J. K. (1986). The manager as negotiator: Bargaining for cooperation and competitive gain. New York: Free Press.

    This book is devoted to negotiating in business and organizational settings. It is also where I first read about the core concepts of creating and claiming value. The book is well written and contains a wealth of information. You should note that this is a very academic read and may take some time to get through. However, it is worth the effort. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation Clearinghouse)

    Pruitt, D., & Rubin, J. (1986). Social conflict: Esealation, stalemate, and settlement. New York: Random House.

    This book is a classic on conflict resolution. It looks at conflict as if it were a three-act play. Act 1 is escalation, Act 2 is stalemate, and Act 3 is resolution to the conflict. This book contains a lot of information on the theory of conflict and conflict resolution, and, wherever possible, the theory is supported by applied research. This book is also very well written, although it may be too academic for some. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation)

    Rackham, N. (1984). The psychology of negotiating (Listen & Learn Tape No. T35). (Available from Listen & Learn Cassettes, Box 344 Station M, Toronto, Ontario, M6S 4T6, Canada)

    Some audiotapes are worth listening to and others aren't. This one certainly is. It is particularly insightful about the characteristics of effective negotiators and their less effective counterparts.

    Susskind, L., & Cruikshank, J. (1988). Breaking the impasse: Consensual approaches to resolving public disputes. New York: Basic Books.

    Breaking the Impasse is a classic in the field of dispute resolution. It describes a three-part model designed to help multiple parties resolve value-laden disputes where the participants to the dispute often have entrenched positions. Well-described case studies illustrate the concepts. This book is a must-read for anyone interested in mediating disputes. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation and the Network on Conflict Resolution)

    Susskind, L., & Field, P. (1996). Dealing with the angry public: The mutual gains approach to resolving disputes. New York: Free Press.

    This book develops and documents the use of the mutual gains approach for resolving multiple-party, value-based disputes. It contains detailed examples illustrating how this approach has helped resolve entrenched disputes more successfully than the more traditional approach of keeping information and power out of the hands of the public, which tends to exacerbate the problem.

    For example, the authors demonstrate how the Exxon Valdez oil spill not only cost millions of dollars more than it should have but divided the Prince William Sound community into those who were overcompensated (some fishermen and clean-up contractors) and those who were undercompensated (Native Americans and recreational fishing store owners). A second example documents the Dow Corning breast implant controversy and how the ensuring lawsuits eventually forced the company into bankruptcy. The third example is the fascinating account of how the Quebec government of Bourassa and Hydro Quebec mishandled the James Bay II development by not taking the interests of the First Nations people into account. To their credit, Susskind and Field go beyond criticizing these organizations for mishandling the situations; they suggest how these situations could have been better handled by using the mutual gains approach.

    My opinion as a practitioner and as a teacher in the field of conflict resolution is that this book is a must-read. It is articulately written and presents detailed case studies to help you understand the principles of consensus decision making between groups whose interests appear to be extremely adversarial. The book presents clear guidelines of what to do and what not to do to de-escalate differences and foster the consensus decision-making process. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation and and the Network on Conflict Resolution)

    Ury, W. (1991). Getting past no: Dealing with difficult people. New York: Bantam Books.

    I have seen William Ury negotiate, and he is indeed a master negotiator. How does he do it? Ury looks at problems as if they were multifaceted diamonds. He is able to look at problems from every viewplane of that diamond without becoming emotionally hooked into any of them. He is also able to move from viewplane to viewplane with the same fluidity with which a champion hockey player skates. Ury's abilities as a negotiator and a problem solver and the five-part method he employs are fully explained in this wonderful book. Ury himself describes this book as follows: “If Getting to Yes is how to do the negotiation dance, then Getting Past No explains how to get that reluctant dance partner onto the dance floor.”

    This book is a must-read if you want to better understand the negotiating process and learn about strategies and techniques to improve your skills. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation and the Network on Conflict Resolution)

    Ury, W. L., Brett, J. M., & Goldberg, S. B. (1993). Getting disputes resolved: Designing systems to cut the costs of conflict. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Program on Negotiation.

    As the title indicates, this book is about designing systems to help resolve disputes. One of the principles of Total Quality Management is that 85% of work-site problems are procedural and only 15% are due to the people involved. Therefore, if we can develop better procedures, we can systematically lessen the number of disputes and put into place better mechanisms for resolving them. This book has excellent examples that help illustrate the principles involved. (Available through the Harvard Program on Negotiation and the Network on Conflict Resolution)

    Appendix B: Exercises and Forms

    Duplicates of exercises and forms presented throughout the book are combined here to use in monitoring your progress toward bettering your negotiating skills.

    Exercise 1.1: Negotiation Survey
    • Estimate the percentage of time you spend negotiating on your job, with “negotiating” being defined quite broadly. The definition I prefer is that a negotiation is any communication between people in which one or both parties has a goal in mind. For instance, if you were communicating with an employee about arriving at the job on time, that communication is defined as a negotiation. With this definition in mind, estimate the percentage of time, from 0% to 99%, that you spend negotiating at work:___.
    • Rate your effectiveness as a negotiator at work on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is “very ineffective” and 10 is “very effective.” For example, rating yourself a 1 could indicate that you give in on all of your interests to keep the peace or, alternatively, that you never back down and that most of your negotiations escalate into a fight. Rating yourself a 10 means that you possess the wisdom of Solomon and can successfully negotiate a flawless settlement for every conflict:___.
    • What will be the biggest challenge facing you in your business/professional career in the coming year?
    • Rate your effectiveness as a negotiator in your personal life outside work on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is “very ineffective” and 10 is “very effective.” Again, rating yourself a 1 could indicate that you give in on all of your interests to keep the peace or, alternatively, that you never back down and that most of your negotiations escalate into a fight. Rating yourself a 10 means that you possess the wisdom of Solomon and can successfully negotiate a perfect settlement for every conflict: ___.
    • What will be the biggest challenge facing you in your personal life in the coming year?
    • What would you like to learn or how would you like to be able to negotiate differently as a result of reading this book and improving your own negotiating skills?
    • What advantages would accrue to you from becoming a better negotiator?
    • What advantages would accrue to your company or organization from your becoming a better negotiator?
    Exercise 2.1: Creating and Claiming Value
    • Think of the last negotiation you were in. Summarize that negotiation in the space provided below:
    • Rate yourself from 1 to 10 on how well you created value in that negotiation, where 1 is “created little or no value” and 10 is “created a great deal of value.”

      My effectiveness in creating value in my last negotiation was: ___

    • Next, rate yourself from 1 to 10 on how well you claimed value in your last negotiation, where 1 represents “obtained little or no value for myself” and 10 represents “obtained a great deal of value for myself.”

      My effectiveness in claiming value in my last negotiation was: ___

    The next step is to study how you create and claim value in your next three negotiations. This will help you determine your own pattern in creating and claiming value. To be an effective negotiator, you have to be good at both creating and claiming value. The following form has been designed to help you examine your own pattern of creating and claiming value.

    Creating/Claiming Value Form
    • Briefly summarize a negotiation that you participated in.

      Rate your effectiveness in creating value (1–10): ___

      Rate your effectiveness in claiming value (1–10): ___

    • Briefly summarize another negotiation.

      Rate your effectiveness in creating value (1–10): ___

      Rate your effectiveness in claiming value (1–10): ___

    • Briefly summarize another negotiation.

      Rate your effectiveness in creating value (1–10): ___

      Rate your effectiveness in claiming value (1–10): ___

    • From your observations in these three negotiations, what do you do well in the area of creating value?
    • From your observations in these three negotiations, what specifically do you need to do to improve your skills in creating value?
    • From your observations in these three negotiations, what do you do well in the area of claiming value?
    • From your observations in these three negotiations, what specifically do you need to do to improve your skills in claiming value?
    Exercise 3.1: Rating Your Competencies

    You now have the opportunity to rate yourself on these eight critical competencies. The following competencies survey will help alert you to the areas in which your negotiating skills most need to be developed. To perform this test, rate yourself with an “X” on the following 10-point scales, in which 1 is indicative of a low level of skill development and 10 is indicative of a high level of skill development:

    Rating Your Intellectual Competencies
    • Planning/Causal Thinking: “Planning/causal thinking is hypothesis generation, essentially. It involves seeing either the potential implication of events or the likely consequences of a situation based on what has usually happened in the past.” (Klemp & McClelland, cited in Sternberg & Wagner, 1986, p. 40)

    • Diagnostic Information Seeking: Diagnostic information-seeking is pushing for concrete data in all sorts of ways, using a variety of sources to get as much information as possible to help with solving a particular problem. People who are good at diagnostic information-seeking are naturally curious and they ask questions to help them get the most data/information possible.

    • Conceptualization/Synthetic Thinking: “Conceptualization/synthetic thinking is theory-building in order to account for consistent patterns in recurring events or for connections between seemingly unrelated pieces of information; it is enhanced by diagnostic information-seeking.” (p. 40)

    Rating Your Influence Competencies
    • Need or Desire to Influence Others: The need for influence is “an alertness to the potentialities for influencing others. Concern for influence appears in such statements as ‘When I walked into that meeting, I was trying to figure out how to persuade them to agree to my proposal.’” (p. 40)

    • Directive Influence: Directive influence measures the ability to “confront people directly when problems occur, [to tell] people to do things the way [you want] them done.” (p. 41)

    • Collaborative Influence: Collaborative influence measures the ability to operate “effectively with groups to influence outcomes and get cooperation, [to build] ‘ownership’ …among key subordinates by involving them in decision making.” (p. 41)

    • Symbolic Influence: This last influence competency “is indicated by a use of symbols to influence how people act in the organization. A senior manager with this competency can, by personal example or a statement of mission, create a sense of purpose for the whole organization, which engenders individuals’ loyalty and commitment to it.” (p. 42)

    Rating Your Self-Confidence Competency
    • Self-Confidence: Managers with strength in this competency, “although recognizing difficulties, never express any doubt that they will ultimately succeed. In behavioral interviews, they display strong self-presentation skills and come across as very much in charge. They act to make others feel comfortable, and they respond quickly and confidently to requests in key situations. By contrast, average senior managers are more tentative. Moreover, outstanding managers express self-confidence by being stimulated by crises and other problems rather than distressed or overwhelmed by them.” (p. 42)

    Exercise 3.2: Skill Development Plan

    The three skills that I will develop further are:

    Exercise 3.3: Negotiation Feedback Form

    List three things that you like about ___'s negotiating style. Please be as specific as possible. Simply saying “John is a good communicator” is not specific enough. It should be so specific that John will know exactly what he should do more of in the future. For example, a specific comment would be “John is very good at coming up with creative solutions. He always invents at least three options to be considered at every negotiation.”

    • Please list three specific targets for improving ___'s negotiating style:
    Exercise 3.4: Integrated Assessment
    • What are three areas these instruments agree on in relation to your negotiation strengths?
    • What are three areas these instruments agree on for improvement in your negotiation style?
    • Were there any questions raised about your negotiation style that need further clarification, understanding, and/or more information/data before you can improve them?
    Exercise 4.1: Improving Fact Finding
    • In the space below, briefly describe a situation in which not having all the facts caused you to be a less effective negotiator than you could have been.
    • What do you have to do to better gather all the necessary facts in the future?
    Exercise 4.2: Developing Opening Statements

    Using the preceding as a model, write an effective opening statement for a negotiation you are in now or are about to enter. Critique your opening statement on mutual benefits, core values or principles, use of superordinate goal(s), benefits to negotiating, and/or the cost of not negotiating. Then ask several good negotiators to critique your opening statements from time to time.

    Exercise 4.3: Asking High-Yield Questions

    Observe several of the best negotiators you know. Watch how they use high-yield questions. What have you learned that will increase your effectiveness in asking high-yield questions? In the space below, write down what you have learned and then prepare several high-yield questions for your next negotiation.

    Exercise 4.4: Effective Pausing

    Observe the people you are negotiating with. Who pauses effectively? Who does not? What effect does pausing and not pausing have? Next, observe yourself negotiating. When do you pause effectively? When don't you?

    Exercise 4.5: Turning Issues into Interests

    For the purpose of this exercise, please use the worksheet below to identify all the interests for all parties in a negotiation you are currently in or use it to help you prepare for an upcoming negotiation.

    Turning Issues into Interests
    Issues for Party #1Issues for Party #2
    Interests for Party #1Interests for Party #2
    1.1.
    2.2.
    3.3.
    4.4.
    5.5.
    6.6.
    7.7.
    8.8.
    9.9.
    10.10.
    Exercise 4.6: Identifying Additional and Hidden Interests

    Think of three negotiations where you, or the party you were negotiating with, or another person looked for and discovered additional interests that made it possible to reach an agreement.

    What have you learned from this exercise that will make it more likely that you will discover and add additional interests in your future negotiations?

    Exercise 4.7: Using the Appropriate Muscle Level
    • Note a recent situation in which you escalated your muscle level too soon.
    • What were the negative consequences of escalating too quickly?
    • What would you do differently next time?
    Exercise 4.8: Using the Appropriate Muscle Level
    • Note a recent situation in which you did not escalate your use of power quickly enough.
    • What were the negative consequences of not using enough power soon enough?
    • What would you do differently next time?
    Exercise 4.9: Taking Appropriate Breaks from the Table
    • In the space below, outline a negotiation in which you did not do as well as you could have.
    • Next, describe how a break from the table and/or reopening the negotiation could have helped you to negotiate more effectively.
    Exercise 4.10: Using the Power of Balance

    Give an example of a negotiation in which you used the power of balance to equalize the power of the parties.

    Exercise 4.11: Using the Power of Balance
    • Describe a negotiation in which you should have used the power of balance but did not.
    • What would you do differently if you had the chance to renegotiate the above situation?
    Exercise 4.12: Using the Power of the Apology to Get the Negotiation Back on Track
    • Think of three times when you apologized during the course of a negotiation with the end result being that you furthered the negotiation process.
    • List specific characteristics of situations where apologizing works for you.
    • How could you use an apology more often to resolve problems and build relationships in your future negotiations?
    • Think of three times when you apologized during the course of a negotiation and it worked against you.
    • List specific characteristics of situations where apologizing worked against you.
    • Based on the above, when should you apologize less often in your future negotiations?
    Exercise 5.1: The Power of Perspective Management

    In the space below, describe three situations in which you successfully used perspective management and kept your perspective when negotiating with a difficult person or in negotiating a difficult situation:

    Exercise 5.2: The Cost of Not Using Perspective Management

    In the space below, describe three situations in which you were not successful in using perspective management and you lost your perspective when negotiating with a difficult person or in a difficult situation:

    Exercise 5.3: Using Perspective Management More Effectively

    In reviewing these six situations, what have you learned about perspective management that will help you to keep your perspective and negotiate more effectively in the future?

    Exercise 5.4: Identification of Core Values
    • In the space provided, briefly describe a situation that was difficult for you.

      Was there a core value(s) that had me hooked in this particular negotiation? If so, name the core value(s):

      If you need help in identifying the core value(s), who would be a good person(s) to contact?

      Last, how do you need to modify the way you use this core value to ensure that it continues to work for you in those situations where it should and keep you from using it in situations where it has worked against you?

    • Briefly describe a situation that was difficult for you.

      Was there a core value(s) that had you hooked in this particular negotiation? If so, name the core value(s):

      If you need help in identifying the core value(s), who would be a good person(s) to contact?

      Last, how do you need to modify the way you use this core value to ensure that it will continue to work for you in those situations where it should and keep you from using it in situations where it has worked against you?

    • Briefly describe a situation that was difficult for you.

      Was there a core value(s) that had you hooked in this particular negotiation? If so, name the core value(s):

      If you need help in identifying the core value(s), who would be a good person(s) to contact?

      Last, do you need to modify the way you use one or more of the core value(s) identified in this exercise to ensure that they will work for you in those situations where they should and keep you from using them in situations where they have worked against you?

    Exercise 5.5: Modifying Core Values
    • List the core values you have identified that need to be modified.
    • How do they need to be modified so you can negotiate more effectively?
    Exercise 5.6: Identification of Core Beliefs
    • I must be loved or accepted by everyone.
    • I must be perfect in all I do.
    • All the people with whom I work or live must be perfect.
    • I can have little control over what happens to me.
    • It is easier to avoid facing difficulties and responsibilities than to deal with them.
    • Disagreement and conflict should be avoided at all costs.
    • People, including me, do not change.
    • Some people are always good; others are always bad.
    • The world should be perfect, and it is terrible and catastropher when it is not.
    • People are fragile and need to be protected from “the Truth.”
    • Other people exist to make me happy, and cannot be happy unless others make me happy.
    • Crises are invariably destructive, and no good can come from them.
    • Somewhere there is the perfect job, the perfect “solution,” the perfect partner, and so on, and all I need to do is search for them.
    • I should not have problems. If I do, it indicates I am incompetent.
    • There is one and only one way of seeing any situation—the “true” way.

    Remember the last time you felt bad about something? What were you telling yourself? Were any of these 15 beliefs the basis for your self-talk?

    Now, you are going to challenge the destructive self-talk that caused you those difficulties. For the event you have just thought about, write down your self-destructive talk in your own’ words. It may well include self-condemnation and be full of what people should or ought to do. (Appendix B contains an additional copy for future use.)

    My Self-Defeating Belief

    The event:

    What I felt:

    What I was telling myself:

    What I did:

    What my self-defeating belief(s) was (were):

    Author's Note: This exercise was adapted from Ellis and Harper (1975).

    Now, you are going to challenge your negative self-talk. You can challenge that negative core belief by re-interpreting it and by exchanging the shoulds and oughts for preferences for how you would like things to be. Or you can ask yourself what you can learn from that experience and how you could behave differently next time by filling in the table below.

    My constructive self-talk would be:

    My feelings would be:

    My actions could be:

    Exercise 5.7: Anger Management Form
    • How intense am I going to allow my anger to become?
    • How long am I going to stay angry?
    • How am I going to use my anger constructively?
    Exercise 5.8: Self-Control Form
    • Describe a negotiation in which you demonstrated excellent self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that helped you maintain good self-control?

    • Describe another negotiation in which you demonstrated excellent self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that helped you maintain good self-control?

    • Describe yet another negotiation in which you demonstrated excellent self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that helped you maintain good self-control?

    Exercise 5.9: Identification of Positive Roles

    At this point, you have identified several situations in which you demonstrated excellent self-control in selected negotiations. You have also identified the “roles” you were playing in these negotiations that helped you maintain good self-control. In the space below, make a list of the positive “roles” that you can use on a more conscious and consistent basis to help you negotiate more effectively in the future:

    Exercise 5.10: Improving Self-Control Form
    • Describe a negotiation in which you demonstrated poor self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that prevented you from maintaining good self-control?

    • Describe another negotiation in which you demonstrated poor self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that prevented you from maintaining good self-control?

    • Describe yet another negotiation in which you demonstrated poor self-control.

      What role were you playing in the above situation that prevented you from maintaining good self-control?

    Exercise 5.11: Identifying Negative Roles

    At this point, you have identified several situations in which you were not able to demonstrate good self-control in selected negotiations. You have also identified the “roles” you were playing in these negotiations that prevented you from maintaining good self-control. In the space below, please list the negative “roles” that you played:

    To negotiate more effectively in the future, you need to make a conscious effort not to fall into these roles.

    Exercise 5.12: Case Study Analysis

    Name three things that Bill did well in this negotiation.

    Based on what you know about the above situation, is there anything you would do differently?

    Exercise 5.13: The Power of Looking for Reasonable People

    In the space below, describe a situation in which you used the power of looking for reasonable people to bring about a positive outcome to a difficult situation:

    Exercise 5.14: The Power of Doing the Unexpected
    • In the space below, describe a situation in which you used the power of the unexpected to help move a negotiation forward toward resolution.
    Exercise 5.15: Shortening Recovery Time
    • Give an example of how talking to someone who acted in the role of a recovery coach helped shorten your recovery time:
    • Effective negotiators have at least four people with whom they can talk who are very effective in helping them learn from their mistakes and reduce their recovery time. In the space below, list four people you can turn to who can help you learn from your mistakes and reduce your recovery time:
    Exercise 6.1: Identifying Frames

    Describe a situation in which you used another person's “frame” successfully to help further your own interests.

    Exercise 6.2: Using Frames to Persuade

    Can you think of a current situation in which you need to do a better job of using the power of active listening? By using the other party's frame, how might you reframe that particular situation to increase the likelihood that the other party will be able to see a solution to your mutual interests within his or her reframed perspective?

    Exercise 6.3: Writing a Sample Dialogue
    What I Felt or ThoughtWhat the Participants Said
    Exercise 6.4: Integrating Skills

    In the space below, pick two skills that you would like to work on simultaneously—for example, active listening and assertiveness, creating value and claiming value, or being persuasive and being open to persuasion. Then develop a plan using the P.R.I.C.E. method or any other method to help ensure that you accomplish this very important and very difficult task.

    Exercise 6.5: My New Approach

    Write a brief memo (three to four paragraphs) to yourself, outlining your new approach to negotiating.

    References

    Axelrod, R. (1984). The evolution of cooperation. New York: Basic Books.
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    About the Author

    Brad McRae is the president of McRae and Associates. He holds a doctoral degree in counseling psychology from the University of British Columbia and is a registered psychologist, a consultant, and an author. He has taught at the British Columbia Institute of Technology and at Carleton University in Ottawa and has lectured across Canada and in the United States, Mexico, and Africa. He was trained in negotiating skills at Harvard University's Program on Negotiation and is a member of the National Speakers Association.

    He gives more than 100 presentations a year on such topics as stress management, time management, dealing with difficult people, effective negotiating and influencing skills, maintaining peak performance, managing change and uncertainity, and exceptional customer service. He has written How to Write a Thesis and Keep Your Sanity, Executive Health: A Self-Management Approach to a Healthier Lifestyle, and the Canadian bestseller Practical Time Management: How to Get More Done in Less Time.


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